


Moon Notes

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance, Sex, mating for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2004-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:25:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 41,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lupercilia is celebrated later in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moon Notes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

~~~~July~~~~~

From the time Padfoot first pranced into my life, Sirius never missed a moon, unless you count the one hundred sixty-eight cycles that Moony tallied with claw deep hash marks across my flesh. I prefer not to mark these days in my memory; knowing that the hours I spent as a prisoner of the wolf's will was, all told, less than four months. A pittance of time compared with the twelve years my best friend spent rotting in hell.

The first full after his frantic flight from Hogwarts I was flabbergasted to see the large expanse of fur-covered flesh appear at my door just as I was about to secure my home in preparation for the still painful transformation. It had been far too long since Moony had a packmate to run with. And even though I continued to drink myself docile with the bitter potion Dumbledore required Snape to brew, I was able to allow the wolf almost free reign physically as two hyperactive canines shared a jubilant and juvenile jaunt through the surrounding countryside.

It was a brief but beautiful July moon, lasting only six fleeting hours, but those hours were the first truly happy moments I'd experienced since October of 1981. But transforming back is still painful and as usual my fight to remain conscious was short-lived.

Greeted by the long lazy rays of a late afternoon sun, I awoke in my room, clean and covered; a mug of hot charmed tea waiting on the bedside table. But the only thing that remained of Moony's unexpected playmate was a scrap of parchment propped against the black ceramic mug I didn't remember owning. Reaching out with surprisingly little pain, I held the paper at arm's length alleviating the need to acquire my reading specs from the desk on which I'd left them the night before.

R

I hate the slimy bastard with every fiber of my being, but I am grateful for the inner synchronization his potion allows you to achieve. I ran last night, not with a beast to be controlled, but a fur covered friend whose eyes spoke to my soul from within the visage of a beautiful wolf.

S

Without thinking, I slipped the note under my pillow and peacefully slept away the remainder of the day.

~~~~~~August~~~~~

In the weeks that followed I thought of my friend often, frequently allowing my mind to travel back to that night in the shack, when once again I saw Sirius as a marauder...and wondered how `murderer' had ever crossed my lips.

Sirius had been my best mate all through our time at Hogwarts. He was the first to accept me not just as Remus, but as a werewolf. Always acknowledging Moony's presence. Always understanding that to separate us was to deny who I was...and reminding me that I had done enough of that on my own. Sirius had encouraged me to embrace all aspects of my personality without fear or shame. All that is except the one I kept hidden deep inside, hidden even from myself.

As the time before the August moon grew short I wondered if I would again see the tall dark man who I realized was almost a stranger to me. The razor sharp lines of his face and protruding ribs had stabbed at my heart and haunted my dreams. Would he ever forgive me for not fighting harder for the justice he deserved? I had taken the coward's way out, convincing myself that as a werewolf I would do more harm than good if I tried to help him....as if leaving him to rot for twelve years was really a better alternative.

Having heard that Sirius was in hiding and using birds that rivaled the peacock status of his youth for messengers, I quickly banished any thoughts of moonlit meetings from my mind. To be here for the wolf Sirius would have to apperate and the risk of being caught was far too great to chance.

When you are waiting to have your flesh and bones violently rearranged, the twilight hours of late summer seem to last forever. On this night the moon would rise at 10:49 and set at 5:28. The wolf would have less than seven hours to fight the effects of the potion while I tried to relax locked in the safety of my reinforced cottage.

At 10:30 I double checked the locks and spells that would easily contain the razor sharp claws, should for some reason the potion not work properly, and walked slowly back to the tiny kitchen to secure my wand on a shelf above the fireplace. Stopping at the threshold I was faintly aware of the idiotic grin pulling at the corners of mouth as I met the sapphire blue eyes of a creature thought to be the omen of death.

"I'll take it that I should plan instead on an outdoor adventure," I chuckled as the playful pup tugged at my sleeve, dragging me quickly toward the backdoor, while still managing to wag his tail with a force greater than the limbs of the whomping willow.

Selfishly I made no mention of his dangerous trip or of my carefully concealed pleasure at the sight of his unexpected presence, hoping instead that the morning would bring the opportunity for face to furless face conversation.

Though slightly longer than July's, the moon of the eighth month was still too short for the canine's content. This time our path led us along the silent stream that marked the border of Dumbledore's property. The cozy cottage I cared for also belonged to the kind and concerned headmaster. A man to whom I owed my life. A man who sheltered me from seven years of prejudice and hatred by inviting me to Hogwarts and placing me in the hands of James, Sirius and Peter. He never regretted his choice of allowing me the opportunity to be properly educated. I know this to be fact; for as I stood in his office only eight short weeks ago, arguing the necessity of my resignation, he told me of his pride in my accomplishments. The conversation had been brief, but his final words, buzzed quietly in corners of my mind.

`Remus, over the years your courage, skills and commitment to the light have been tested and proven worthy time and again, but still the wizarding world has shunned you and that may never change. But **soon** you will know peace. Until that time comes, be patient.'

Suddenly I thought I fully understood Albus's words. I once again had a friend, a friend who had risked his safety the last two months to be with me. A friend who had cared for my physical well-being when it was so very difficult for me to do so on my own. Now if only my friend would stay long enough for a cup of tea and a brief chat I would feel almost alive again....almost human.

But once again I was greeted by a note and tea to sip while I read it.

Remus

Harry will be heading back to Hogwarts soon. He wrote me an odd note in which he did a very poor job of trying to say nothing about something in a casual sort of way. If you would please be alert for any information from Dumbedore I'd very much appreciate it.

Sirius

P.S. Thanks for at least cleaning the blood off my nose after you so rudely chased me into that thorn bush...your tongue tickles.

S

Folding up the parchment I placed it gently in the drawer of my bedside table along with its predecessor, mentally noting to increase the dosage of next month's potion. Moony had to be stopped. I would not lose my friend, to the wolf's desires that should have faded long ago.

Worried now for Harry's safety I owled Albus to inquire about the boy's situation, feeling very sorry that Sirius was not able to give Harry a home with him as he would have so loved. Of course, I was the reason that they could not be together. If only I'd remembered to take the potion, we... **they** ...could have been a family. And still Sirius found it in his heart to visit me the last two moons. Perhaps that's the reason he won't stay after the moonset. Perhaps that's the reason he arrives only minutes before, choosing to stay in the form of Padfoot. Sirius had made a promise never to miss a moon, and he was still set on honoring that vow, even if he couldn't face me as a man.

I needed to talk to Sirius.

~~~September~~~

Having received several owls from Dumbledore assuring me of Harry's safety, I felt fairly confident that my moon-time visitor would appear around nine-thirty ready for a moonlit run, in the unusually cool fall air. This time I left a note of my own next to the bed asking him to please stay long enough for a short chat, secretly yearning to hear but a few words spoken in his strong sure voice that I had never tired of listen to.

As he had the two months previous, Padfoot appeared just before the gut wrenching pain of transformation struck. When I had raised my furry and reshaped head I was staring into the watery pools of my best mate's canine eyes. Convinced I was ready for play, Padfoot took of at a run, setting the pace of the rest of the night.

Waking again in my own soft bed I immediately looked to see if I would be greeted by parchment or human, it was parchment once again. Not bothering to read the note, I turned away from the marvelous smell of fresh mint tea and fell at length into a restless state that only bordered on the edge of sleep.

It wasn't until the following morning that I faced the bold line of Siri's unmistakable script.

Re,

Soon...not yet, but soon...I hope.

Siri

Neatly folded the note joined its brethren, waiting patiently for **soon**.

~~~~ October~~~~

Growing ever longer, the October moon allowed two more hours for frolicking in fallen leaves and splashing through the nearby stream. Yet somehow my playmate's festiveness seemed feigned even to the wolf who I was trying to keep tightly in check. When ever the great black dog thought I wasn't watching the gleam of his glowing eyes dimmed, and the rhythm of paws dancing over the cooling earth slowed to almost a crawl. But I suppose the fact that he was there at all should have given me cause to be thankful, after all until the very last moment I thought I'd be spending the moon as I had for the last thirteen years...alone.

When the transformation was moments from beginning Padfoot had not arrived. Resigned to the fact that I had pushed my friend too fast and too far by leaving the note the moon before, I solemnly disrobed in front of the fireplace and sat shivering in its golden glow. With tears in my eyes I waited for the pain of the flesh to rescue me from the agony of my lonesome soul.

As the first wave of cranium contorting confusion stabbed at my temples I curled onto my side trying to relax against the muscle mangling mayhem that would soon stretch, snap and finally shape my slender form into the strong, proud sinuous silhouette that was the wolf.

Somewhere in the tangle of my mind I saw Sirius, not as Padfoot, but as the tall, handsome Sirius I'd ached to see for months. One hand was placed softly on my side while the fingers of the other gently combed away the sweat dampened strands of tawny and silver hair that blocked my view of his beautiful face, or his view of the pain constricted mask that was my own.

"Change...now," my pain strangled voice ordered between short gasping breaths.

They were the only words I'd been able to manage before my vision blurred and all went dark.

I awoke the next day exactly where I expected ...safely covered in my warm lonely bed. The time however was far later than I was accustomed to rising, even after a long run with a tireless, albeit lackluster playmate.

For a long while I lay motionless, trying to plot the progression of the previous night's events. Padfoot had been late. But how had he gotten past the wards...and it had been Sirius...I know it had. I could still catch his scent; I could still feel the ghost of a touch where his hand had laid on my side. I could smell the sweetness where his fingers had stroked my hair. I remembered as Padfoot he was different...not really playful...it had been almost a nervous energy that had driven him...a longing for normality...a desperation...a desperate Padfoot. Oh, how I longed to talk to my friend.

Unable to solve the mystery of his mood I returned to the method of his arrival. Sweet ......sweet. Tugging a strand of my hair closer to my nose, I sniffed again at the place his skin had left its blueprint. Sweet...candy...no trace of plastic from a wrapper...sweet...sour... lemon, lemon yes...lemon drops. Dumbledore...hmmmmm Dumbledore's office is the only...he'd used floo powder...that was the only way he could have gotten in...the fireplace in Dumbledore's office. Sirius had been visiting Dumbledore...oh sweet Merlin maybe Harry was in trouble...maybe that was the reason for Padfoot's behavior.

Quickly I turned on my right side, immediately grabbing the expected parchment from the nightstand.

Re:

Sorry to startle you last night, but I was late and the wards were already set. I'm afraid you're now in need a new kitchen door. I had to blast yours off its hinges last night to get us outside to play. Too nice a night to curl by the fire...perhaps in December. Snape's potion really works...I don't know if you remember but I tried to open the side door while you were transforming but the change went faster than usual and Moony walked into the kitchen while I wasn't looking. That's when I got a little wand happy and blasted the door. Afterward I realized I had no reason to be afraid, Moony wouldn't have hurt me. I should have always known **you** never would have hurt me. I wish I had touched your face. You always liked scratching behind Padfoot's ears...I'd like to run my hands along Moony's fur once.

Siri

PS You need to eat more....silk sheets are wonderful to touch but they can't hide a lumpy mattress.

S

PSS There is a question that I need to ask you but I'm not sure I'm ready to hear the answer yet; but I will be soon.

Leaving the parchment on my pillow, I rolled out of bed, shrugged into a robe and slippers, then padded downstairs to assess the damage to my home. Strangely I felt no shame at his blunt appraisal of my wolf-weakened form. After all, I reminded myself, this wasn't an issue to be concerned over. Sirius saw me nude after every moon...he was the one who put me in bed each post moon morning Why then, I asked my self, was I again holding the lock of hair that Sirius had touched, and why was Moony so quiet.

With nervous anticipation I watched the morning of October 31st dawn clear and crisp as I sat on my front porch mindlessly caressing the sides of a black ceramic mug from which I sipped a hot oolong blend. Sirius had always been amazed at the vast assortment of teas I kept stashed in the cupboard of the flat we shared after school. Surprisingly we had lived there together without tension or fear of each other until the very night of James and Lily's death. It had not been a downplay of words or emotions contrived only to calm three frightened teenagers when Sirius and I so easily forgave each other that night in the shrieking shack. I never knew he had suspected me of being the spy and in turn he knew the vast amount of physical evidence pointing to his guilt was hard to refute. Even Dumbledore had placed a gentle, knowing arm around my shoulder as I prepared to leave the flat after Sirius's imprisonment, admitting that even he was unable to see a possible way that my best friend could be innocent. Somehow I knew that the wise man whom I had looked to as a father for so many years understood the depth of my loss even though I refused to admit it even to myself.

It seemed as though I had just greeted the sunrise when I found myself again seated on the porch swing. Only now my hands caressed a glass of Grand Marnier Cordon Rouge, my customary Halloween indulgence, as my gaze shifted to the west, watching with trepidation as the sun sank swiftly below the horizon.

One year ago this night I sat in the Great Hall of Hogwarts wondering how I would make it through until sunrise. I had no plans of attending the Hogwarts Halloween feast, simply being in the castle surrounded by the memories of my youth had stretched my legendary control to its breaking point. Facing the merry festivities of a night I could never again enjoy was more than I could ask the wolf to bear. But Albus had come to my office just before the feast was to begin and gently insisted that I take my proper place at the teacher's table, showing those that would doubt my trustworthiness, that I had faced the demons of the past and had not succumb to their enticements. He knew it wasn't lack of proper attire that caused my shoulders to momentary slump or my eyes to mist with unshed tears.

I tried everything to keep my mind from seeing the ghosts of boys I'd loved as brothers; two long dead and one damned by their deaths. It was the soul of the damned that haunted me most of all. Many of the faculty members present were either students or teachers when the marauders had been entertaining or enraging the population of the school. Believing they knew the depth of my grief, many had shown their support by a simple nod or an encouraging word, though only McGonagal dared to reach out and give the shoulder of a werewolf a gentle squeeze. Sensing my desperation for distraction Professor Flitwick tried to hold my attention with a detailed account of Harry's first charms class.

Oh how I had tried to keep my thoughts from Harry. Harry who was the mirror image of his father and now sat directly in my line of sight, talking casually with this friends.

Suddenly I was filled with anger at the idea of him being happy on this night... at **anyone** in the hall being happy. It wasn't right! Didn't they realize the significance of this night...the devastating effect it had had on so many lives?! No, all **they** cared about was that Voldemort had seemingly been destroyed! The laughing boy I now watched didn't even know his parents; knew no reason to hate this night.

Harry didn't realize that his father had bravely stood closer to the dark lord than anyone had ever dared. Stood with his wand raised, ready to lay down his life to provide but a few fleeting moments for Lily to escape. Harry was only beginning to realize the sacrifice his mother made as she used her body as a shield for her precious son.

I was there that morning. I saw the shattered glasses that lay at James' side where he'd fallen in death. I saw the broken wand still clutched tight in cold lifeless hands that would never again grasp the handle of a broom as he soared into the early morning light. I saw Lily's once emerald bright eyes, still opened wide with fear. The fire of her soul gone, it was only shards of green glass that I gently pressed pale lids to shade. As I left the devastation that only twelve hours before had been my friends' perfect home...perfect life, I learned of Sirius's arrest. Learned that our DogStar,our ever-faithful Padfoot had turned rabid and ruined us all.

I'd sat up all night waiting for Sirius to come back from what he said would be a quick errand. We were supposed to go to a pub in muggle England, just the two of us...Sirius had wanted to ask me something. To this day I knew not what it was.

Yes, last Halloween had been the worst since that horrific night so long ago, but at Dumbledor's gentle insistence I had faced the whole of Hogwarts, faced the past and the present. To say I had joined in the search for Sirius after the attack on the fat lady would be a lie. The only thing **I** had searched was my heart, trying to justify the loyalty I still felt for a man who'd sentenced me to a life of solitude and his godson to a childhood in muggle hell. What I found was a hole that had never truly healed, and had again been ripped open. But unlike the Gryffindore tower guard, I was not able to run from my "frame". No, I believed I was destined to go on living the torn and tattered existence of a wolf who'd failed to protect his pack and was now fated to wander forever alone.

What a difference a year makes.

Pulling my knees to my chest and hugging my arms against the chilly autumn air, I realized that for the first time since Sirius's imprisonment it was only my flesh that was cold. My heart had been warmed by the truth of my packmate's innocence....and this, I realized, brought far greater peace to my soul than the belief that Peter died a martyr ever had.

Although the pain of James and Lily's deaths, and now Peter' betrayal would always haunt me, I knew that Sirius was not the only one who had escaped from a cell of solitude. He was not the only one ready to take tentative steps into the world we used to know, a world that no longer existed. Sirius was still a wanted criminal and I would always be an unwanted werewolf, but together we were a pack and small as it was, perhaps for the moment our pack of two was all we needed or wanted.

Now, if only I could convince my long caged companion to speak again we could attempt to rebuild our friendship. No.... no that's not true, I realized, reflecting on the last four moons. We **have** been rebuilding our friendship. Only this time it was being built completely on instinct and trust. Sirius trusting the wolf who had caused his doubts so long ago; and I trusting Sirius with my very life during the time before and after the moon when I was most vulnerable to attack or betrayal.

Rising fluidly to my feet I walked to the edge of the porch and stared up at the waning moon, just five days past full. Only twenty- three nights until I would rejoice in seeing my furry friend again, while Moony would whimper at the sight of his packmate, having finally realized his greatest desire was not meant to be.

Oh Sweet Merlin, this was certainly a first; I was looking forward to the full moon and the wolf was dreading it.

Perhaps a visit with Dumbledore was in order. Sirius obviously had the wizards blessing to use the fireplace in his office to gain entry to the cottage, it is quite possible that the always insightful headmaster would give some cryptic clue as to my friend's reluctance to be in my presence other than during full-moon hours.

As if on cue a small messenger bird landed on the porch rail. Even in the pale moon- light I was able to see the vast amount of colorful plumage making the bird appear as if it were assembled from the surplus feathers that Neville's grandmother surely kept in a shoebox atop her closet.

"Well, I have a good idea who sent you on this late night errand," I smiled, speaking softly, hoping the ridiculous looking bird with the constantly bobbing head would remain oblivious to the wolf that growled low within my chest.

Carefully I loosened the parchment from the bird's leg and thought quickly as to what I could offer as payment. I needn't have worried, the silly creature already knew what it wanted and hopped over to the wooden swing that still moved quietly in the breeze. Astonished I watched as the beak dipped quickly in and out of my forgotten glass of Halloween spirits.

"I certainly hope you don't plan on flying soon," I reprimanded before changing the alcohol to water with a quick wandless charm, then headed into the living room to read the very unexpected note as I warmed myself in front of the fire.

Settling in a large overstuffed chair by the hearth I summoned my specs and a mug of Darjeeling, then slowly unfolded the neatly scripted note. For a note it simply was. Only five connected sets of black ink marred the creamy linen stationary. But they were five of the most heartrending words I'd ever seen in print, and in reading them everything made sense and the dam broke loose. Curling into the chair, I buried my face in the cool cotton fabric and sobbed soundlessly, the crumpled sheet falling to the floor, tear dampened words bleeding together just as their writer's heart still bled for a tragedy that was not his making.

`Can you ever forgive me?'

Five simple words...five words that spoke of pain, regret and fear but also of hope. Sirius feared that I blamed him for James and Lily's death, but true to a vow taken at the age of fifteen he appeared for each of the last four moons because he still held onto hope.

Turning my tear-streaked face from the now damp fabric I unfolded my long legs, allowing them to drape carelessly over the arm of the soft deep chair that since July had become my quiet spot. The place where I read and wrote, thought and now reflected. Gazing into the depths of the flames my mind returned to the Halloween of one year ago. Though only one hour later than the last time I had visited the terrible memory of that night, it's pain had lessened greatly in comparison to the vision that was now created by the five lonely words that bespoke so much of my friend's heart.

Inside the castle I had been greeted by food, friends and students. The misery that had flooded my heart was much of my own making, but the grief that surely tore at the heart of a cold, half starved, lonely animungus, would have been far worse to bear. I can only imagine the pain that tore at Sirius's heart as he sat at the edge of the forest, gazing at the warm lights of a castle that for seven years had been his home, but now was the place that was forbidden.

While I had colleagues who understood my grief, Sirius had been surrounded by memories of moonlit runs with a boy whose death he blamed on himself and another whose murder he would now gladly commit. What his memories of me entailed I could not venture a guess.

At the time I had been angry at the jovial environment into which I'd been thrown against my will. Angry with the bespectacled boy whose only crime was being alive and sitting with friends as I had done so many years before. What Sirius wouldn't have given to be able to sit in my place and watch the light of the hovering candles play across his godson's face just as it had danced across Jame's during the seven Halloween feasts we'd spent together.

No, the fates had been far kinder to me during my year back at Hogwarts than they had to Sirius. And now I was grateful for the gentle reminder of just how lucky I had been to have a year of good food to eat, steady pay to save and eager students to teach. My innocent friend had nothing but loneliness, hunger, guilt and rage. Yet it was he who now asked if I could forgive a crime that he had never committed.

Startled from my inner turmoil by the sound of the visiting bird's chatter, I moved to the desk and quickly jotted a response I hoped would be to my friends liking. Nothing deeply detailed, as would have been my normal style, that wasn't what Sirius needed. No, something clear and concise was called for.

`I cleaned the blood off your nose, didn't I? If you'll let me, I'll help you clean the phantom drops from your heart and hands. Talk to me Paddy, I've missed you.'

Before I could change my mind I quickly rolled the parchment and attached it to the bird's leg. As soon as the winged messenger took flight I began to second- guess my choice of words.

It was time for another glass of Grand Marnier.


	2. Chapter 2

~~~~ November ~~~~

Twenty -three days had come and gone from the time I watched the rainbow feathered messenger soar into the night sky, and in that time I'd heard nothing from Sirius. To make matters worse the wolf had sensed my feeling of hope with the arrival of the Halloween message. With that hope in **my** soul came hope in his and now the alternating growls and whimpers for the man he considered to be his intended mate were driving me mad.

In a futile attempt to still the uninvited voice from my mind, I foolishly took double doses of the wolfsbane potion during the last two days of the moon's cycle.

I remembered nothing after the last swallow save for the excruciating pain of a transformation I was powerless to relax against.

No matter if my will is my own or Moony's, each transformation is the same. Like having your mind, heart and soul pulled with the force of a port-key into a swirling nightmarish depth, a nightmare that sees with feral vision...sees as a hunter....as a mate...as a lover too long denied their desired flesh. When I was a child I fought with all my strength against the moon time mist that shrouded my will within a cloak of fur, ferocity and blood lust. I feared I would be lost to my self forever...lost forever inside the demon whose desires lingered long after the lunar lobotomy was reversed.

Yes, thanks to the extra potion Moony's voice was silent, but also was my own, except for the echoing scream that ricocheted within my mind, but could not pass bitten bleeding lips to penetrate the blackness surrounding me...or so I thought.

At one time I woke in front of the fireplace, still in wolf form. Padfoot was lying very close. Close enough for muzzles to touch, staring into my eyes. I tried to lift my head but the attempt was too great a strain and all went dark.

"Harry's name was placed in the Goblet of Fire...he's the fourth champion." Sirius's deep voice nipped at my ears, pulling me against my will to a state of semi-conciseness.

"I know," I heard my own transformation roughened voice respond automatically, "Dumbledore told me the morning after it happened."

"Why the hell didn't you owl me?"

This was definitely not the 'lets get reacquainted' chat I had hoped to be having with my friend; yet even raised in anger his rich rolling voice cast a spell over me. A spell my heart should have found the counter curse for years ago, but instead it chose to remain forever in his power.

"I thought you knew," I mumbled, my mind still fighting to surface from the quagmire of the potion's effect. "I had no idea you weren't notified first."

Fighting against an unknown weight I tried in vein to shift from my stomach to a sitting position. But was instantly pressed flat to the mattress my face buried in the cool cotton of the pillow that cradled my head.

"Oooow, oh gods Sirius." I groaned tilting my head to the side so I could continue to breathe.

"Sorry," my long absent friend barked, not sounding in the least bit apologetic for his rough treatment of my bruised and battered muscles. "How the hell do you expect me to work out these knots if you keep moving around?"

"I'm sorry," I stammered suddenly aware of warm strong fingers kneading the tissue of my bare back. Oh Sweet Merlin, Sirius was massaging my back... I was naked, and Sirius was massaging my back.

"What the fuck happened to you Remus?" The now quiet and caring voice asked sounding almost on the verge of tears. "If **this** is what the potion is capable of doing to you than quite fucking taking it. I can handle the wolf...Padfoot can handle Moony. I know it's important to you to have control but I also know that shit doesn't lessen the pain."

"Re, I thought you were dead." My long desired love whispered as he gently stroked a large callused thumb-pad along the length of my jaw. Over and over the caring caress continued...touching so much more than just stubbled flesh...truly reaching to the depths of my heart. For the first time in days I welcomed Moony's soft growl and the answering cry that swelled within my soul.

"Moony....Moony answer me. What happened? You just laid there...all night"

I couldn't answer him; my entire being was lost in the loving touch of one caressing digit.

"Please Re," the now pleading voice whimpered, "tell me what happened. I've never seen you in that much pain Re. When you transformed it took so long, so much longer than usual. I've never heard you scream like that. Never. **What. Happened?**

I shouldn't have answered, my mind was too lost in the smell of Sirius, lost in the touch that I wished would never stop. I was far too sleepy to answer as I should have. But answer I did... and I couldn't have been more thoughtless.

"I took double doses of the potion. I had to make Moony stop...had to make him stop crying for his mate."

The caress stopped immediately as Sirius minimal weight moved quickly from the bed.

"I need to go. I've stayed too long as it is, I need to talk to Albus."

"Siri, please don't go....you don't understand."

There was a long pregnant pause as I waited for the slamming of my bedroom door. Finally the sound of a low strangled voice broke the deafening silence that had fallen between us.

"Will Moony's mate be here for the next moon...I don't want to intrude."

"Moony would welcome a Christmas Eve run with Padfoot, and the only intrusion would be upon my loneliness. "

"I'll see you. And Re....don't take that shit again."

Then he was gone. I never even saw his face.

Fighting back tears, and anguished whimpers, I rolled to the other side of the bed where I could see out the window, see the retreating form of a large black dog, that didn't move with the joyful prance that normally marked his step.

Sniffing at the pillow my head now occupied, I caught the unmistakable scent of Sirius...on pillow...on the sheets. Not just a trace...a definite scent. Sirius had laid here...laid with me. Oh Sweet Merlin, what have I done?

Following Moony's command I snuggled into the pillow my pack-mate had recently occupied. The wonderful scent of cedar, vanilla and musk wrapped me in a swirling mix of drowsiness, fear, trepidation and arousal. Of the four, sated sleep would be catered to first, as long cool fingers stroking heated flesh played understudy to the hot moist cavern I so desperately wished to fill but knew beyond a doubt I would never be invited to explore. With the image of flowing raven hair in my mind and the splendor of a star seared upon my soul I moaned the three simple syllables that when combined, unknowingly held my heart.

'Sir...i.....uuuus!!!"

When I again woke to the inviting smell of my ebony haired friend, it was with the realization that my remaining feelings would now need to be faced. But not until the residue of my earlier indulgence was washed away by a quick steamy shower. As I stood beneath the pulsing water, I again felt the burning physical need for Sirius rising in my loins. It was then that I realized the vanilla scent of my friend had in actuality been my own creamy shampoo. My worried and weary friend had obviously used my shower. It was truly amazing that just by being combined with the natural cedar and musk that was my friend, vanilla had now become an entirely new sensory delight or damnation... the choice was Sirius's alone. Unfortunately he had no idea there was a decision to be made.

Quickly I diminished the flow of hot water and relished in the effect of cold crisp reality.

Suddenly aware of how very much I missed the post transformation tea and note I'd become accustomed to over the last four months, my heart constricted with the reality that my thoughtless words had condemned me to solitude once again.

Throwing on an old day robe I descended painfully to the kitchen for a mug of tea and possibly a light meal only to find that my choice of sustenance had already been determined. A hearty vegetable soup sat steaming in a large pot on the stove, my tea and toast neatly arranged on the wooden table near by. In the middle of the table stood a tented piece of parchment, I was reluctant to retrieve.

Choosing to first treat my nerves with a spot of tea I reached for the mug. Then, following a few calming sips I sat down with a cup of the flavorful smelling soup prepared to meet the written warning of my fate. Turning the ivory parchment over and over in my long shaking fingers, I pondered when my friend had found time to prepare the treats before me, surely it hadn't been after my terrible choice of answer to his simple caring question.

Deciding it was foolish to delay the inevitable I slowly opened the single fold and stared in disbelief at the hastily scribbled words.

Re, Meet me outside by the shed, Moony will tear the ornaments off the Christmas tree if we transform in the house. Siri

'Well,' I sighed, placing the note in my pocket and reaching for the soup, 'I guess I'll be putting up a tree this year.'

````December````

Seven days before the full moon my monthly delivery from Severus Snape arrived exactly on schedule except this month it was delivered by Albus instead of a Hogwarts owl.

We chatted briefly about the house, the weather and of course the Tri Wizard Tournament. The Headmaster commented on the Christmas tree in the corner of the living-room but gave no indication as to the reason for his presence except to wish me a happy holiday.

Following a cup of lemon tea and a brief chat Dumbledore departed leaving me with a bitter brew of which I desperately wished to partake.

Pulling the odd shaped bottle from its wrappings I was surprised to see a small note that was loosely tied about the stopper by a gold thread. Surely a holiday note from Snape was out of the question, but who, other than Albus and Snape could have placed it there. Quickly I grabbed my small gold reading specs from the fireplace mantel and tugged gently to loosen the glittering thread.

Deftly I unfolded the note and immediately cursed my curiosity for getting the better of me.

'Please...Please don't. I know you need the control, but try to remember what it was like when you ran with your pack. You saw through the mist then too. Please!'

Slowly I reached up to place the note in the spot my specs had previously rested. My next movement took surprisingly little thought, and brought with it very little regret.

The sound of shattering glass accompanied my whispered prayer as Snape's magic mixture disappeared in a flash of silver flame.

```````````` Christmas Eve was clear and cold, and I was reminded of Siri's August note, teasing that perhaps come December we would simply curl by the fireplace. But after my foolishness during the last moon, that which I had eagerly looked forward to, could never come to pass. Instead as I walked to the shed in preparation for a long moon-lit run I did something I'd not had to do in almost fifteen years; I begged the wolf not to pursue his intended mate, begged him to leave me with a loving friend, instead of a stunned or worse, repulsed ex-packmate.

When I reached the remote shed Padfoot was no where to be found and moonrise was nearly upon me. Attempting to ride out the wave of panic that now brought my normally well modulated breath to a gasping pace, I quickly covered the remaining distance to the very unsatisfactory confines of the poorly constructed shed.

Oh Dear Lord, what was I going to do?

I wouldn't have enough time to secure the structure properly, and it had been nearly three years since I'd transformed without the mollifying effects of the Wolfsbane potion.

'Oh, sweet Merlin Padfoot where are you?' My trembling voice asked of the darkness, for that was all that surrounded me. Quickly I reached to bar the door as best I could, but a strong grip on my bicep caused me to drop the makeshift brace and spin with lupine speed to face my hooded guest.

It was Sirius of course. I should have caught his scent before I ever reached the shed and certainly before he was beside me, but fear of myself in wolfish guise roaming unchecked through the nearby forest had pushed practical thought from my mind.

The interior of the shed was black as my guests raven locks, but thanks to lupine eyes I could see Sirius's every feature as clearly as if he stood in the midday sun.

Slowly Sirius reached out with a cold trembling hand, his fingertips ghosting down the side of my face. The wolf was too near to control and I instinctively nuzzled into the caress, nipping softly at the hand that held my jaw.

Sirius's touch never wavered. Instead he gazed steadily into my glowing amber eyes, which I knew were the only feature of my face or frame he could see clearly without canine benefit.

"Moony's eyes," my friend whispered, "You didn't take the potion. Thank you."

My voice too unsteady for words I simply nodded my reply as I sank to my knees, bracing myself against the churning chaos that soon would pull me within the mind and body of the waiting wolf.

As I felt the darkness overtake me I heard my friend's calming voice promising to look after me, promising to see me in the morning...Christmas morning.

```````

Coming slowly back to the waking reality of a moonless morning, I stayed at the blissful brink of dreamless sleep as long as possible. Certain that if I merely kept my eyes closed and snuggled deeper into the soft pillow and cozy warm spread that cocooned my battered bones, I could surely return to the starlit splendor that had been the wolfs realm for the last fourteen hours.

For a man who had spent twelve years in Azkaban, Sirius's memory of my pack-mates effect on Moony's ability to control my actions was surprisingly accurate. Although I knew the simple act of running free helped immensely, I was amazed what little need there was for Padfoot to cajole or contain the usually willful wolf.

The night had been glorious! Running side by side with canine grace across a moonlit field, Padfoot and Moony relished in windblown fur and tangled limbs as rough raucous wrestling matches resulted from even the slightest bump of shoulders, paws or snouts.

Only at the very end of the moon time, when two tired canines lay panting and practically curled as one in front of a magically roaring fire, did I have to stop Moony from gently gracing his packmate with nuzzles and nips as Padfoot carefully cleaned the minor cuts that resulted from another run-in with a previously encountered thorn bush. This time it was Padfoot's tongue that tickled the fur of the wolf and moments later the flesh of my face.

Obviously uncomfortable with the close proximity to his now fur-free friend, Sirius had jumped back quickly as soon as sapphire eyes meet honeyed- hazel.

Wrapping a waiting robe around me, Sirius easily maneuvered me to the sofa, covered my transformation tortured torso and limbs and muttered a healing charm I only vaguely remembered taking effect as I instantly dove into a welcoming diversion of deep, deep sleep.

Reluctantly pulling away from the edge of unconsciousness, my still unfocused eyes quickly cleared as I caught the sight of my formerly playful pack-mate arranging his monthly note on a branch of the sparsely decorated tree in obvious preparation for his departure.

"Sirius, why are you leaving," I whispered softly, struggling to arrange my aching, back, neck and shoulders into the straight vertical line of a sitting position.

"Remus lay down," my startled friend begged, quickly crossing the room and reaching out with gentle hands to urge me back to a prone position. "I wasn't leaving quite yet, but it is almost noon and I should be going soon. I don't want to be in the way".

I was truly surprised by his swiftly babbled reply and even more so by the downcast eyes that refused to meet my own. But anger and confusion quickly topped surprise and my hard won control cracked with the force my now docile friend's legendary temper had the moon before.

"In the way? What the hell are you going to be in the way of?" I demanded, defiantly pushing my way back to a precariously balanced sitting position.

"I...uh...well..."

"Well?" I prodded, "Oh let me guess. You'll be in the way of the hoards of visitors coming to wish a Happy Christmas to their good friend the werewolf. Is that it? So how many people have you needed to worry about hiding from so far this morning? Hum, how many...let me guess...zero?!?!

"No reply?" I persisted, although by this time I was speaking to the crown of my friend's head, as he refused to lift his eyes to meet mine.

"I'm sorry Re," my only real friend whispered, then continued so softly it was only by the grace of lupine senses that I heard him, "I guess I just figured with the tree up you'd be having guests and it's not like I'd be able to meet anyone and even if I could I'd just be in the way of you and your friends."

At the sound of the lost and lonely wizard's trembling voice, the anger disappeared from mine without any further thought.

"Sirius, I put up the tree for you, because from your last note it sounded like you expected one. And after twelve years in Azkaban and one spent as a dog; I figured the least I could do is put up a tree, although it's not a very attractive one. But Sirius if you were thinking with even a smidgeon of the sense you were born with you would realize there is only one fucking present under it and if it weren't for the presence of your esteemed personage, **it** wouldn't be there." I snapped, my voice rising louder than intended.

"I'm sorry Re."

"Damn it Padfoot, don't be sorry...be Sirius." I shouted, the rage that pulsed through my body threw me off kilter and caused me to sway, my back crumpling against the sofa, as I closed my eyes against the nausea that threatened to rise within me.

Instantly the long time 'fill-in medi-wizard, and healer of werewolves' was seated at my side, ready to catch me ere the pain became too much.

Straightening once again I turned to my silent friend, the normal calm returned in full to my quiet voice.

"Sirius, any of the friends I know well enough to visit or have visit me on Christmas are friends of yours also."

Seeing the incredulous look haunting his eyes, I continued on, hoping to convince him of the truths I spoke.

"If you would stop and think, like the Sirius of old occasionally did. You would realize that Albus and I haven't wasted any time in relaying to the old crowd the news of your innocence. It wouldn't do very well to keep such vital information a secret as it doesn't take much thought to figure out who Pete is going to run to. It would be a real crime to allow people like Arabella and Mandungus to go on believing that Pete died a hero's death and that you are an escaped criminal. If you want to we can go visit them sometime...via floo... providing I give them notice. But I'd like to take Sirius Black with me instead of the whimpering wallflower I've been chatting with if you don't mind. I meant it...don't be sorry ...be Sirius." I finished softly, curling my chin toward my knees in hopes that the rounding of my spine would help with the pain.

"Turn around Re....put your back toward me. No, don't look at me like that, do it you stubborn prat, how can I rub your back if it's angled away from me. There that's better."

"Siri you really don't..."

"You're right I don't, but I'm going to. And Re...thank you. You always knew how to keep me in line."

"Any time Sirius, any time." I smiled as the large muscular paws I'd always desired to have caress my most intimate places, began rubbing deep slow circles up the middle of my back.

"Just let me move your hair to the side so I don't....Oh God Re I missed a cut...here let me get your wand"

"My wand?" I asked surprised at the request. "Why don't you use your own wand?"

"Now how the fuck would I go about getting a wand? Do you think I just strolled into Ollivanders and browsed through the boxes?"

"I'm sorry Siri, I just assumed that you managed to procure or purloin a wand at some point in the last year and a half."

"Well, my friend in this particular instance, you happened to be incorrect." Sirius muttered as he crossed to the fireplace mantel to retrieve my wand.

The look of shock and anger that graced his face when he turned to find me already standing and slowly making my way to the stairway, was both funny and frightening. I settled for concentrating on the funny set of his mouth, as the look in his eyes was enough to send the wolf whimpering to the back of his cage.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"' Sirius asked in blatant disbelief of what his eyes beheld.

"I'm going to the attic," I replied simply as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "There's something I need to get and it can't wait"

"The hell you are. If it's that important I'll go get it"

"No it's not in a place you need to be pawing through. Everything up there is organized and I know the way you look for things. Everything would fly through the air as if Padfoot where digging a hole. No thank you, I'll get it myself."

"Fine, I'll carry you." Sirius stated, moving toward me as if it were an even remotely acceptable idea.

"The Hell you will," I replied raising a tawny eyebrow in preparation for battle. I knew beyond a doubt that if my muscular friend raised me in his arms I'd be helpless to stop myself from making certain that his tonsils had indeed not grown back since Poppy removed them during Christmas break of fourth year. "I managed on my own after transformations for thirteen years, I'm perfectly capable of walking up to the attic..." But the rest of my thought vanished when I stopped to truly look at the beautiful face before me. Seeing the look of hurt tossing painfully in my friends stormy blue eyes caused me to lower my need for independence just a tad.

"While I certainly don't need to be carried, I could use...well...if you would.."

Instinctively Sirius moved to my side and slipped a strong sure arm around my waist, guiding me as he had done so many times after full moons. Guiding me as we slowly made our way up the earthen tunnel that lead away from moonlit temptation and back to a world of magic that was not made in my heart.

As we headed up the two flights of stairs I found my self giggling softly at the ticklish sensation that assaulted the inner muscles of my back.

"What's so funny," Sirius questioned, still surprised that I could laugh through the struggle of post moon aches and pains.

"It's Moony," I replied hesitantly, never in the past having shared the details of my daily inner struggle of the wolf's presence within me. "he's moving against your arm."

"Oh, you never used to giggle when he nuzzled against my touch."

Instantly coming to a stop on the narrow stairs I turned to look directly in my friend's eyes. "You've felt him before?" I asked, wonder showing clearly in my amber orbs.

"Of course, I can always feel his warmth when I touch you. He's very caring for his pack you know." Sirius explained with the same warmth of which he spoke glowing in his own starlit eyes.

No more words were spoken as Siri tightened his grip on my waist and we turned to mount the remaining steps.

Nearing the attic door I slowed my pace, mentally preparing myself for a gamble I hoped would pay-off.

Yes, Sirius was calm and helpful now but he could easily flee in horror at the sights that wait to greet him.

Pressing gently on the battered wooden door, I walked cautiously into the large darkened expanse of space, the gray and rainy whether providing little outside light. Quickly I lit the numerous candles that lined the window -sills, their light casting long pointed shadows across the floor, walls and ceiling.

Leaving Sirius at the center of the room, I slowly made my way deeper into the darkness where the angled ceiling met shorter walls, pretending to look around for the items I sought although I could have walked directly to them. Standing next to the first, and hopefully most easily faced treasure I intended to reintroduce the still skittish animungus to; I waited silently for a few moments, hoping my always-impatient friend would accept my unspoken invitation to join me

"Damn Re, it's cold up here." Sirius grumbled, briskly rubbing his hands together several times before crossing to my side and running the heated palms up and down the length of my goose fleshed biceps. "Can't this wait till later? You shouldn't be trying to stand for this long so soon after the moon and ...oh shit...that's my old school trunk... Re, where did you ..." Sirius's voice trailed off as he dropped gracefully to the floor and cautiously reached out to touch the precious link to the past.

Feeling as though I were watching a once again eager eleven year old unpack for his first term at Hogwarts, I lowered my long lean body to sit across from the trembling form whose hair, tee-shirt and jeans blended perfectly with the shadows that engulfed him.

Today was the first time in fourteen years I had seen my best friend...my brother of the soul...long desired lover, for more than just a few fleeting moments. And as I sat memorizing every detail of the mature handsome man before me I thought, not for the first time, how difficult it must be for an innocent man who had always lived in the light of self- assurance to be forced to hiding. Hiding from friends, family, his godson, and in truth... even himself.

"Re it's my old wand," Sirius's elated gasp grew into a wide smile that spread quickly to his brilliant blue eyes, reminding me of the 'star-sapphire' ring he'd gifted me with on my twenty-first birthday.

The ring had been a complete surprise and it had taken every once of will power I had to keep its intended meaning from blossoming in my imagination. ' To remind you of me when Padfoot can't be there for the moons,' he'd said, 'so that you know your dog-star is watching the moon and thinking of you from where ever his is, or who ever he's with."

I had worn the treasure happily...for three weeks, then he was gone...gone for thirteen years. I'd worn it that Halloween night as I'd waited for him to return from his errand...to take me to the club...to ask me whatever it was that was so important we needed to be alone and away from the house to ask. 'Whoever he's with.' The final words had burned a hole in my heart. I'd assumed he meant whatever girl might keep him away, I'd never dreamt that he'd meant Voldemort. The next day I took off the ring and hid it away; burying it in the darkness of my old school trunk. Burying it as I tried to bury the love I felt for the boy who'd given it to me. But now that the boy sat less than a meter away and I knew that the love I felt for him was never simply a schoolboy crush, I was tempted to dig through the trunk I was leaning against. Tempted to dig out the symbol of a star who I now believed had never stopped thinking about me as the moon waxed and waned. Only **now** I could wear the ring in peace, finally content to enjoy the love of a friend.

Realizing our stay in the drafty room would last much longer than originally planned I conjured a floating fire that would have made Heromine, green with envy. Then silently I sat watching and listening as Sirius withdrew each item, reverently touching and discussing the reminders of a life he'd not been allowed to enjoy. Not only were his school things in the trunk, but many of his possessions from the flat we'd shared were all carefully minimized and stored, in hopes that someday their owner would come to claim them.

"How did you wind up with all these things Re?" My still awestruck friend finally asked, his voice painfully constricted. "Were my parents so convinced of my guilt that they didn't want anything."

"No Sirius, it wasn't that at all," I answered truthfully meeting the eyes of a man who was obviously agonizing over the unconsidered depths to which his feelings would have to be examined and eventually resolved. "After your capture, they found out about what I am..."

" **Who** you are," Sirius corrected adamantly, as he always had. "Well, they believed that I was the reason you did what everyone accused you of, that I had turned you to the dark." I admitted quietly.

No longer able to meet the dazzling orbs that had suddenly dimmed with understanding and regret, I focused on a picture of Sirius and myself laying near me that had been taken the morning after they discovered my curse.

"No matter what Albus tried to tell them about me they wouldn't listen. They didn't want anything that was in the flat, anything I might have touched. It's alright Sirius," I assured him, reaching out to lift his chin so that his eyes would meet my own, "It was their way of coping with everything, of keeping you innocent, of keeping you their little boy."

"It's not alright Remus, and when I can finally talk to them, tell them what really happened you'll receive the apology you're due."

"Sirius, just knowing that neither of us betrayed the pack is all I need," I smiled, knowing it to be true.

Stretching against the pain of my bruised and weary muscles, I realized it was already late after noon, five or six o'clock gauging by the light of the early evening moon and the stars who'd been so kind as to join it. At some point the cloud cover had moved on and the evening promised to be clear and cold.

After making his way to the bottom of his own trunk, the ever- curious canine finally turned his gaze to the other items that surrounded us on the clean swept attic floor. His eyes moved to the trunk I leaned against recognizing it immediately as my own and then at last to the large red and gold case that sat directly to my right.

For long moments he stared at the solid metal structure as though it would vanish if he dared to blink or move, then at last he crawled over to kneel beside me, wordlessly asking permission to visit a place he knew we had to go.

I simply nodded, tears clouding my eyes as his large trembling fingers traced the initials JP, then opened a seal that had not been broken in fourteen years.

"Neither James nor Lil had any family to give their possession to," I said softly "so Albus gave everything that wasn't destroyed to me."

"Everything except Harry." Sirius barked, unsuppressed anger glowing in his eyes. "You should have been allowed to raise him Re, he should have gone to you."

"Don't be foolish Sirius" I snapped, unwilling to admit how desperately I had desired to be given that very chance. "Children are taken away from werewolves, not entrusted to them."

But the intuitive wizard knew immediately the truth I tried unconvincingly to hide, and mercifully dropped the subject with merely a knowing look given in reply.

Returning his attention to the material memories of our dearest friend's short lived life, Sirius pulled a photo album off the top and leaned back against the hard metal frame of the trunk which also supported my own unsubstantial weight.

"How could Pete do it Re?" Siri's voice was no more than a whisper as he traced his finger gently across the waiving picture of James and Lily as they stood talking to Sirius, Pete and myself. It was taken just after leaving the church on the evening of their wedding. "How could he destroy so many lives. He ruined everything, all the wonderful things that were just about to happen, that now can never be..."

And so the release of hurt and the beginning of healing began. This was not a conversation meant to take place in front of a lighted tree and a crackling fire. No... the cold reality of death and betrayal was better faced in this lonely attic room with only the light of stars and moon to guide our shared remembrances.

Finally, late in the evening, after tears and tirades, Sirius had met the demons of his soul head on and was ready to make peace with his own heart and mind. The healing had really just begun, but we'd faced this first night of truths together and that was how we knew we'd have the strength to face the rest...side by side as we always had...as friends.

Knowing that quiet moments like the one we now shared would come few and far between, I took the opportunity to summon Siri's present from beneath the Christmas Tree hoping the meaning behind the simple gift would be fully realized.

"Re you didn't have..." Sirius began to sputter as I deftly caught the small square package when it flew within arms length.

"I know...just open it"

With a slight bit of apprehension I watched as Sirius tore the modest wrappings from the book that he now turned over and over in his gentle but callused paws.

"It's a journal," I explained, in response to the confused look that clouded his tear stained face. "It's charmed like the Marauders Map, so only you can use the pass word and read your entries. Spending time with me in a non-speaking, fur-covered state only once a month doesn't constitute in-depth therapy, Sirius. At least with this," I said tapping the deep purple binding with my right index finger. "You can vent when ever you like and no one will be able to read it unless you choose to reveal the charm."

"Alright, what are the words?"

"James made his own choice, I didn't betray him." I stated simply, letting the implication hang in the air for a few pregnant moments.

"Come on Paddy, let me hear you say it...James made his own choice."

When I was almost ready to concede and change the words, Sirius spoke in a soft but determined voice, "James made his own choice, I didn't betray him."

"Someday Paddy, you may actually believe those words." I smiled. Then turned my head to the side and tried to inconspicuously bring my hand to my mouth.

Observing the yawn I tried to stifle, my now red and puffy eyed friend checked the time on the muggle watch he'd managed to acquire and immediately rose to his knees and then gracefully to his feet, pulling me gently with him.

"Damn it Re, you're exhausted and you haven't had anything to eat since before moonrise yesterday afternoon. Why didn't you stop me from raving on and on like that, we should have gone back down hours ago. For Gods sake Moony we came up here to look for one simple thing and..." Sirius's voice trailed off as a look of understanding and gratitude flowed across his features, lighting them with an internal beauty that was almost too much for me to bear.

"You were going to come up and get my old wand for me regardless of what I did, but you knew I'd follow you up here, didn't you. You didn't have to **look** for anything. You just hoped you could still play my stubborn nature to your own benefit."

I merely nodded my admission of guilt, hoping my physical reaction to having his arms still wrapped around my waist was not noticeable through the cotton day robe Sirius had attired me in early this morning.

"You asked me if I could ever forgive you, and this was the only way I knew to help you begin to forgive yourself. To start to wipe away the phantom blood- stains that have colored your world for so long."

"Thank you Re, for everything."

Then to my great surprise and concern Sirius started to pull me in for a tight embrace.

'Oh no, I thought, he's definitely going to notice something he shouldn't, I panicked pulling away from the one person whose arms I'd long desired to be wrapped within.

"My back Sirius," I fibbed seeing the hurt expression that gripped his face and eyes, "I've just sat for too long...I'm sorry"

"Oh God Moony no, I'm sorry," Sirius stammered, the relief from the logical rejection of his brotherly hug showing plainly across his features. "Come on let's get you back down stairs and we can both have something to eat."

Gently Sirius placed his arm around my waist as I turned to extinguish the long burning candles whose wax now decorated the sills in thick clumps and long thin flowing lines. Turning back toward my escort, I felt his grip tighten just a hair, drawing me against his side. This time I leaned into the firm body beside me, allowing Moony this rare chance to bask in the warmth of our one true love and mate.

The long hours spent sitting on the attic floor made the journey down the stairs far more painful than I had anticipated. So when Sirius suggested that I settle in my room and allow him to bring dinner up I made no attempt to dissuade him. After his assurance that I had time for a shower while he warmed things up and that he wouldn't just drop off a tray and vanish into the night I limped into the bath and lost myself in the hottest shower my abused body could tolerate.

When I made my way back to the bedroom I was greeted by the beautiful sight of Sirius standing at the window, framed by the silver glow of stars that paled in the light of his own natural radiance.

"Do you know what I miss Re" the still haunted voice flowed easily across the room to my waiting ears, "I miss laying in the grass and looking up at the stars. There was only a small slit for a window in my cell, and now that I'm constantly running, I'm afraid to go outside unless I'm Padfoot. I miss the relaxing beauty of the stars. Silly isn't it?" He asked in earnest turning to face me, allowing the celestial light to dance across his features, the moonlight tangling its beams through his soft obsidian hair.

My God he's so beautiful.

"No Sirius, it isn't silly at all."

For a moment we just stared at each other wondering how the fates could be so cruel as to tear us apart all those years ago and yet so kind as to give us a second chance to embrace the wonder of timeless friendship.

"Come sit down Re, you must be starving."

Doing as I was asked, I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, then scooted slowly toward the center, propping my back against the headboard. Then, very unexpectedly, Sirius settled next to me; a large tray balancing across our shared lap.

To my surprise our feast consisted of warm buttery homemade bread, rice pudding, brown beans, steamed vegetables and the largest portabella mushroom I had ever seen filling the center of the plate as the entrée. Although it was an unusual mix for a Christmas dinner or any dinner for that matter, I certainly wasn't going to complain...not after the obvious amount of planning that had gone into it.

"Siri, you remembered I'm a vegetarian. I wasn't sure last month with the soup, but you giving up your usual holiday ham and roast beef, definitely proves it." I grinned, staring in amazement at a man who was supposed to have no memories of his friends and family.

"You never allowed the wolf to have meat," Sirius smiled shyly in return, "Of course I remembered." Then dropping his voice to barley above a whisper he continued on as though divulging a long kept secret, "I remember everything about you Re."

"Oh," was the only confused and slightly flustered word I was able to form.

Staring down at my plate I nibbled sleepily at small bits of everything until at last I could keep my eyes open no longer and my head bobbed from side to side until my chin finally came to rest against my chest.

"Moony...come on Moony, lay down." Sirius's soft voice coaxed gently in my ear as strong caring hands lowered my head and shoulders slowly to the pillow.

Feeling his weight shift to leave the bed I reached out instinctively; catching his wrist and pulling him down next to me.

"Re?"

"You'll be gone when I wake up," I muttered groggily, "wont you?"

"Yes" he answered honestly, "I have an obligation I have to see to, but I'll be back for the next moon. I promise."

"I'm so tired Siri"

"I know Re, try to get some sleep"

Stroking my forehead and hair with a long slow motion that flowed perfectly with the rhythm of his speech, my friend's soft voice now carried more than a hint of regret. Or perhaps I was simply wishing that it did.

"I'm tired of being alone Paddy, so tired of being alone."

"I promise I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"Thank you Siri."

"No Remus I'm the one who should be thanking you. You've done so much for me."

"Happy Christmas Siri."

"Happy Christmas Re.

I remembered waking only once during the night my fuzzy vision teasing my mind that Sirius lay beside me, his arm wrapped gently across my waist. Choosing this one time to give in to the fantasy, I laid my arm across the phantom weight and drifted into a dreamless sleep as strong thick fingers intertwined within my own.


	3. Chapter 3

~~~January ~~~~

Re, The days of my existence in Azkaban were marked not by months or years but by the phases of the moon. A moon I could barley see through tiny slits in the ceiling of my cell. During that time pictures I painted for the pages of my mental calendar changed very little and their descriptions even less:

Full Moon Night: Although he'll never admit it aloud, my best friend is anxious and frightened. My best friend is in pain; and because of me, his pack is gone.

Waning Quarter: My friend is calm and quiet, and although the wolf is still near, this is the time when he sleeps most peacefully; and smiles most easily. How I wish I could be there, just one more time...just one time to see him smile.

New Moon: My friend is working himself at a mind-boggling pace, barely sleeping or eating. Frantically trying to use this time of near single-mindedness to accomplish tasks that require the most clarity of thought.

Waxing Quarter: The fight for dominance begins. My friend is struggling against the will of the ever growling, commanding, and criticizing wolf. My friend always wins.

Full Moon: My best friend is in pain and because of me the wolf marks the loss of his pack by lashing out at an innocent man who never asked for any of the hell that life has handed him. My best friend never complains.

Now I count the hours after moon set. The hours I am able to spend with the wonderful friend whose image gave me a reason to live when I never thought I would experience life again.

Thank you Remus for being my friend. For helping me as only you can... for giving me a life worth living.

Happy Christmas Sirius

These were the words that greeted me on the morning of December 26th and haunted me every minute of each passing day.

I had awakened to hot peppermint tea and the long hidden star- sapphire ring waiting at my bedside. With out even thinking I slipped the platinum circle onto my right ring finger, grabbed the mug of tea and headed to the attic as quickly as my aching muscles would allow.

To my great surprise I found the room to be spotless; the previous night's dig for hidden treasure completely untraceable even to the eyes of a werewolf. The only thing out of place was the neatly folded parchment that lay tented atop my school trunk.

Sinking to my knees I read the note over and over until my tea had grown cold and the platinum band spun loosely around my numb but trembling fingers.

Sirius truly believed that I was the one to be thanked when in reality it was he who had saved me so many times. Saved me from loneliness, saved me from the wolf, and ultimately saved me from myself. There had to be something I could do to show the raven - haired rebel, whose self-esteem I now needed to help lift, how much his friendship meant to me. There had to be some gift I could give him in return for all he had done for me and as I looked down at the ring spinning easily around my finger I started to piece together the beginning of a plan.

Grabbing the parchment in one had and my tea in the other I headed down to the kitchen intent on mapping out the ground- work that would need to laid before the next moonrise. It was only after several hours of research and a brief chat with Albus, via the kitchen fireplace, that I felt comfortable enough with my fledgling plan to finally make my way to the living room meaning to spell away the remains of a Christmas celebration that had been anything but what I had expected.

When I entered the living room I was surprised to discover my canine cohort had again played house elf. The ugly little Christmas Tree had been neatly disposed of and the pieces of furniture that had be rearranged to accommodate its presence had been returned to their rightful places.

Late that night as I sat in the sanctuary of the overstuffed chair gazing at a ring I'd not worn in fourteen years, I finally allowed my heart to be warmed by thoughts of the previous evening.

Sirius had obviously stayed long enough to return to the attic, long enough to go through my trunk, and long enough to clean up the house. Perhaps the comforting weight had been real, perhaps he **had** stayed long enough to linger in the warmth of a shared bed.

Suddenly the meager gift I sought to give my treasured pack-mate became far more important.

So for the next twenty-six days I had plotted, sought advise, placed wards, tested wards, and plotted some more; but in the end... all my plans where shot to hell in a hand-basket by mother nature.

Just this once, why couldn't something turn out the way I thought it should? All I wanted to do was give my only friend, a friend who had done so much for me, a simple gift. Was that really too much to ask?

Apparently so, for when the morning of the January full dawned it was clear and so bitterly cold that it would be impossible for Moony and Padfoot to run out doors let alone present my friend with the surprise I worked on so diligently.

Resigned to the fact I would have to wait another month to see a look of joy on the beautiful face of a man I had come to love even more than I had in youth; I turned my attention to the cold damp cellar that would be Moony's prison for over seventeen hours.

Honoring Sirius's wishes I had again forgone the use of the wolfsbane potion, believing this long moonlit run would be another glorious night of fur and friendship. Instead the wolf would be contained and alone with out the benefit of the potions calming effect for the first time in many moons. Brave, loyal and foolhardy as he was, I would not ask nor allow the long caged animagus to join me in the suffocating space. My only hope was that he would be there at moonset to help heal the damage I knew the claws and teeth of my enraged canine alias would inflict upon my flesh.

Restless as usual before the moon I strolled aimlessly through the house hoping that Sirius would arrive in time for me to speak with him before retreating to the earthen tomb below. From room to room I wandered, finally making my way to the crisp but refreshing air of the attic, where once again I was reminded of my friends desire to face the past, desire that ran so deep he had even pillaged through my own battered trunk. The fact that he had not asked my permission to do so bothered me not in the least. The fact that he'd found his precious gift to me banished to the deepest recesses possible made my stomach churn and my heart ache for the pain he surely felt upon its discovery.

Pulled from my thoughts by a sudden shift in the air I turned quickly while drawing my wand in a sweeping fluid motion.

"You're getting slow in your old age Re." the rich baritone voice of my eagerly awaited friend teased as I stood facing him, wand at the ready. "I can remember a time when you would have scented me before I made it past the front door'.

"Hello Padfoot." I smiled lowering the simple wooden stick that held the power to amplify my own ten- fold. "I'm glad you made it before moonrise I need to talk to you about the arrangements for the transformation."

"What... arrangements?' the suddenly defensive fugitive growled,taking a decisive step toward me, as though I were about to bolt from the room.

"Siri it's far too cold for an outdoor run, and obviously we can't spend the next seventeen hours allowing Moony to destroy Dumbledore's cottage, so." I paused, unintentionally taking a step back at the look of comprehending fury that already gripped my pack-mates features, "I'll be spending the moon in the cellar...it'll be safe...and well...obviously it won't be anything like running with you...it'll be safe and ah Moony will be fine..." I was babbling now, I knew I was and yet I couldn't stop...not looking at that face... not staring into those eyes...oh god those eyes.

"Remus," the taller wizard barked, using the difference in height to his advantage as he grasped my shoulders and glared dangerously into the eyes of trapped but hungry animal. "You will not cage Moony, he'll tear you apart and I won't stand by and watch that happen. I spent two years worth of moonsets sitting by your side in the hospital wing at Hogwarts praying that you'd be alright after Moony mauled you for caging him."

"There's no other way Siri," I whispered, sinking onto the trunk my now furious friend had rummaged through twenty-seven days before. " I won't let you go down there with me...it's too dangerous." I finished softly, staring at my feet with unobserved embarrassment.

To my surprise my last statement was met with nothing more than silence. Finally raising my eyes I found my friend had moved to the attic door and was now grinning at me as though he'd pulled off the ultimate prank on Snape...no not just Snape...Snape and Malfoy!

"Sirius, did you hear me," I persisted, employing the voice I'd most recently used when confronting the antics of Fred and George Weasley, but had really been perfected for use against the combined pleading of James and the still capable schemer who now stood only inches in front of me.

"Oh, I heard you Re," the still grinning wizard confirmed, as he knelt before me. I could feel the sweet tingle of his peppermint chilled breath teasing across my face, teasing the heart of the wolf who now loomed so frighteningly near. The test of my resolve to tame the beast's desires was stretched to its limit when my friend's strong warm hand reached out to weave callused fingers between my own; pulling gently as he rose, urging me to a standing position. "but the idea of allowing the wolf a chance to brutalize you like that was simply to ludicrous to comment on."

"Damn it Paddy this is serious..."

"Re, I know it is," the suddenly solemn wizard interrupted, his face a mask of pain and persistence, "I'm not going down in that cellar... but neither are you..."

"Paddy I have ..."

"Not when we have a perfectly good playground right here." Sirius finished gesturing to the large open expanse of the attic, as the roguish canine grin returned in full to light every feature of his still youthful face.

"What...oh, I don't know Siri.."

"Damn it Re," my friend growled; anger and guilt finally bubbling to the surface as fiercely as the calm of the prefect bath tub turned suddenly to full frothing waves, "I know it's not as good as the forest by any means but it sure as hell beats that torture chamber with the claw gouged door and the blood stained floor. How many times have you been down there?" the now sobbing wizard demanded strictly rhetorically. "Did Albus let you come here over the years when you had no where else to go....is **that** where you went that first full moon after we all left you...that first moon you spent alone. I won't let you go down there Re...I can't let you go down there."

Acting strictly on instinct I pulled my shattered friend into a tight embrace, it wasn't romantic, it simply happened, just as it had so many times in our youth. We were both crying now...the truth lay open and raw between us yet the wonderful comfort of a friend was so fulfilling even the surfacing wolf was content to bask in the warmth that flowed between us.

"Please Re, there's still ninety minutes until moonrise. That's plenty of time for me to place the necessary charms and reinforcements," the once again calming voice of my friend soothed as he ran trembling fingers slowly up and down the curve of my spine.

Pulling away from the strong warm body before me, I simply nodded still unable to find my voice after my friend's unveiled truths that did not require acknowledgement. We both knew he had spoken of insight gleaned from the inquisitiveness of a guilty conscious. Perhaps in helping my friend to search his soul I couldn't help but confront the demons of my own.

" **I** can do this Re. **You** go downstairs and try to take a nap," my long time protector instructed leaving me no room for argument. " I'll wake you in plenty of time to come back up and get settled."

Smiling my inexpressible degree of gratitude, I turned to descend the steep attic stairs. As I entered the kitchen, the soft sound of my companion reciting spells I was amazed he could remember, drove me to a newly heightened resolve. Sirius had found a way once again to save me and I would find a way to give my friend his gift...tomorrow night.

I hated begging for help but this time it was necessary. Tossing a handful of powder into the fireplace I spoke in a clear but quiet voice.

"Albus ... would you come over please? I need to ask a favor"

`````+````

Having been my advisor through out the last few weeks Albus was already aware of the gift I'd intended to give Sirius, but didn't seem to share my disappointment in the cruelty of mother nature's effects on my plan.

"Remus, moon-rise is in sixty - five minutes, you have far more important things to worry about between now and the time Sirius comes to wake you, then how to salvage your plan." The white haired wizard reprimanded softly, laying powerful, yet gentle wrinkled hands on my deceptively muscular shoulders.

The mysterious headmaster simply smiled when I raised a tawny eyebrow in defiance of his last statement knowing that I saw nothing as being more important than the happiness of my friend.

"For instance," he continued on, "how angry the always protective Mr. Black will become when instead of sleeping as he suggested he finds you are awake and fretting over something you aren't willing to explain to him."

Nodding my head in agreement to what I knew would be an understatement of my friends reaction, I then asked what my mentor would suggest as a suitable substitute for the scheme I'd spent the last four weeks planning.

I was treated to a idea that would have made James and Sirius both bow down in reverence to a man who easily could have been a marauder himself. A plan that had taken me weeks to perfect was replaced in ten minutes by one that exceeded my own in every aspect but one.

"Now, as we are agreed on the manner of arrival and departure and the major points of this undertaking, please Remus, take some rest and allow me to handle everything else," my long time friend and mentor finished with a wink and quickly departed to begin setting the stage for what I hoped would be a very special surprise.

When Sirius gently shook my shoulder fifteen minutes before moonrise he was non the wiser to Albus's brief visit.

"Were you able to get any sleep," the concerned voice asked as we walked side by side up the attic stairs.

"A little," I replied, my voice already shaking slightly in response to the approaching change. It wasn't completely a lie, I'd probably slept for five or ten minutes before he woke me.

When we arrived at the door to what we both knew was a gateway to a world beyond my control, I stopped short, suddenly and inexplicably frantic and shaking.

"I don't want you in there while I change" I gasped turning pleading amber eyes toward my stunned and wide eyed companion, "I don't want you to see me like that."

"Like what Remus," the tall dark man beside me asked quietly, never loosing his composure.

"Wild and torn apart...out of control...dark and..."

"Stop it Re." Sirius snapped, as he pressed my shoulders firmly against the wall, his voice raised to a growl only long enough to break my tirade. " Stop it. Look at me! This isn't your fault, it never has been and I will never see you like that. You're my smart, funny, **beautiful** friend, who has to go through hell every month." Sirius soothed, pressing his forehead to my own, forcing me to meet his gaze as he gently rubbed circles across my shoulders with strong calming hands. "Come on, we need to get inside," he continued adamantly as the strong hands that had been at my shoulders traced slowly down my arms until our hands clasped and Sirius backed slowly through the doorway leading me with him.

"It's okay Remus, I remember you always felt this way during the afternoon changes. Last month it was dark in the shed and you were already upset because you thought I wasn't there, so the afternoon light didn't bother you. But I knew it would this time. See Remus," he paused just inside the attic, "I darkened it...like it's a summer change. Come on in I need to secure the door and moonrise is in six minutes...you need to get ready..." His voice trailed off and I could see his face crimson as he released the bond of our still clasped hands.

So much for thinking he was comfortable with physical contact.

Walking slowly across the wooden threshold I marveled at the changes my friend had thought to make in preparation for the long hours ahead.

Not only had he darkened the room to help eliminate my feelings of embarrassment at having to transform in the light of day, but he'd also cast a warming charm and staggered and stacked boxes and trunks through out the room, guaranteeing a quality game of hide and seek even without the benefit of rocks, trees and shrubbery.

For the first time since our reunion in July I felt self-conscious, as I stood rooted to the floor reluctant to face my childhood friend after I had removed my robe and placed it securely out of reach.

Still facing the wall I lowered my scarred and scrawny frame to the floor, not even noticing that the soft sound of Sirius's charm work had been replaced by heavy footfall until I felt soft cotton fabric draped across my back and strong arms pulling me close.

My raven haired friend had removed his robe and now sat next to me clad in only his jeans, tugging my torso tight against his chest, as the billowing black robe fell softly around us. Though far from his build of youth, Sirius had definitely regained much of his weight and muscle tone.

"You should change," I stammered trying without success to pull away from the wonderful warmth and cedar smell of my mate...no, no my friend...my friend.

"I know when to change Remy." Sirius soothed, the seldom- used nickname falling easily from smooth full lips. "Try to relax, just lean against me until it starts. I promise it will be Padfoot's eyes the wolf sees when it's done. Try to relax. I'll take care of you, I promise."

Those were the last words I remembered as the fog of reformation rolled in and my own reality became that of a silent observer trapped within the fur and flesh of a surprisingly fearful creature. Moony knew the world hated him...the entire world... except the cantankerous canine who came to his side month after month... the only one who had ever shown him love.

"Remus, Remus...come on Re you need to wake up. Come on it's almost six o'clock. Come on Re...wake up." The soft coaxing voice, that spoke words of love every night in my dreams, continued urging me to a state of semi alertness.

"Paddy? Where are we?" I pleaded rising abruptly to a sitting position, then cursed my action for the nausea it caused to rise within me.

"It's okay Re, calm down. We're in the attic, remember." My sapphire- eyed guardian reassured in a low even tone that mirrored the rhythm with which his wide palms and nimble fingers were massaging the knotted muscles of my long pale calves.

"I barely remember anything from last night," I admitted, then hesitantly added, "did Moony behave himself."

"Moony was a very good little wolf, almost too good," Sirius chuckled. "I just thought it would be a good idea to get off this hard drafty floor and into a nice warm bed." He answered then blushed at what he must have considered an inappropriate choice of words and quickly amended his suggestion. "I mean get **you** into a nice warm bed. Do you think you can stand?"

"Yes, Paddy, I can stand...walk too," I chided him, as I rose with attempted grace and dignity to my full height without assistance, but swayed dangerously when I tried to take my first hesitant steps.

Gratefully I accepted the support of a strong comforting arm that snaked around my slender waist and pulled me close to warm solid flesh I had longed desired to tease and taste. Instead I returned my mind to a safe line of thought I'd participated in only moments ago.

"What do you mean Moony was almost **too** good" I asked as we made our way slowly to the living quarters below.

"You really don't remember do you?" Sirius asked, puzzlement at the idea of my disconnectedness causing his question to flow in jagged mix of tempo.

"No," I admitted reluctantly, the previous night's embarrassment returning in full.

"I'm sorry Remy, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just surprised because, well uh... Moony seemed so...human last night." Sirius answered as he helped me to settle in my large lonely bed after a quick stop by the bathroom.

"Human?" I questioned, disbelief looming heavy between us.

"Yes, human." He reiterated

"What did I do?" I asked, barely recognizing my own voice dressed as it was in a cloak of cautious apprehension.

Leaning back against the headboard, Sirius made himself comfortable only inches from where I lay prone with my head cradled in my favorite goose down pillow.

"Well Re," Sirius began, as he absentmindedly combed his fingers gently through the length of my hair, "we played for a little bit, then Moony started sniffing everything...checking out the new space I suppose. It all seemed fine until he got to James' school trunk, and then he just stopped." Sirius, paused for a moment, staring into space as though he were watching the scene unfold on a muggle cinema screen. Then he continued on in a choked, raspy tone that caused the wolf to tremble in the back of his cage, even as I snuggled closer to the comfort of a jean-clad hip that rested so very close to my anxious lips. "Moony started sniffing the trunk, then laid down next it, his back curled against it...like it was Prongs...like Moony was saying goodbye. I stood there for a few minutes thinking you'd get back up, but you just laid there. Finally I curled up next to you and I we both must have fallen asleep because the next sound I heard was Moony's whimpers when the transformation started. I always worried about you being alone after we were gone but somehow I never thought about how much the wolf would miss us...as friends." Sirius finished, his hand coming to rest at the nape of my neck.

"I honestly don't remember any of last night," I whispered, not wanting to break the spell that seemed to surround us in this intimate moment of grief and closure. "I wish I did."

"I'll never forget it." Sirius strangled voice choked, as he slid his long body down the mattress until he rested with his forehead pressed against my own, silver tear track glistening against pain drenched features.

I have no idea how long we stayed like that, lost in grief yet comforted by friendship, but that time spent laying in the silence of a sunlit bedroom brought more comfort to me than any trip to James grave ever had.

Finally Sirius regained his composure and his voice. Seeming to believe, for some reason that he was about to deliver very disturbing news, the suddenly nervous wizard bit anxiously on his bottom lip as he pushed himself up on a still knobby elbow, the side of his face pressed slightly upward by the angle of the supporting hand.

"Re, after the transformation back, and I knew you were okay...well, as okay as you are after transforming...I mean you were sleeping and you weren't bleeding or anything... I uh, well I couldn't sleep so I laid there and watched you for a while...you know to make sure you were okay and all...well after a while I went down to the kitchen to make lunch and well...to be honest I was going to leave...but I didn't want to leave you in the attic and I didn't want to risk moving you down the stairs since they're so steep...so I stayed later and uh... well uh...while I was in the kitchen...Albus stopped by..."

"Sirius," I chuckled, knowing my acting abilities were soon going to be put to the test, "are you this nervous about telling me that Albus found you here?"

"No Re actually, he uh, came to give me a message." My obviously very anxious friend admitted, then much to my displeasure moved to a sitting position, quickly rose to his feet and started pacing about the room, " you see Remus, I'm very concerned about Harry and I really feel I should to be closer to Hogwarts in case I'm needed. So Albus found me a hiding place and I was supposed to go there this afternoon, but something happened to change the plan and now I can't go until **5 am** and Albus said I should stay here with you till then and...Remus why are you looking at me like that?"

"Paddy, came here and sit down," I suggested, gently patting a spot on the bed beside me, and much to my surprise the good little pup did as he was told. "I know about the cave Sirius, I spent most of last week there placing wards and testing illusion charms, to ensure your safety. I also thought you would be going there today, but if Albus needs you to stay longer, Sirius, you are welcome to stay." I finished reaching hesitantly out to cover his hand with my own. "Sirius, did Dumbledore tell you we'd be taking a short trip tonight in order to get you to the correct flu connections.?"

"No he just told be that you would make sure I got were I needed to be, but I didn't know you were in on all the planning Re."

For a moment I simply smiled in return, and thought to myself...'if only you knew Sirius, if only you knew.'

"Actually Siri, we need to leave around midnight...we have a special stop we have to make, so you might want to think about getting some rest...it's going to be a long night" I suggested barely managing to keep the glow of excitement from my face and voice. I could hardly wait to see what I hoped would be a look of joy and excitement in my friends still lackluster eyes.

"Oh, right, okay ...I guess I'll go catch a nap on the sofa." My friend stammered rising to his feet once again and backing toward the hallway.

"Oh, yes the sofa right...sure...uh...well, I'll wake you about midnight" I babbled in reply to my blushing friend as the door closed silently between us.

````````````

Sleep, of course, did not come easily. Although Albus and I had decided on the basics of what I would encounter tonight, many parts of my surprise for Sirius would be equally surprising to myself. Finally giving up on the idea of passing the next eight hours in a restful repose, I decided on my attire for the evening and made my way to the shower. Thirty minutes later, dressed in dark gray woolen trousers and a forest green sweater I alighted to the main floor intent on cleaning the kitchen and preparing a pre-surprise snack I sincerely hoped my guest would appreciate. But like many good intentions my plans were changed by the sight of the beautiful man I longed desperately to claim as my mate.

Sirius was stretched on the cream colored sofa, his muggle jeans which lay puddled on the floor, had been replaced by a simple green cotton sheet that miraculously covered only the region between navel and knees. And for the first time I saw his beautifully chiseled face completely relaxed; a sign of trust and comfort I hoped.

Sinking into my favorite fireside chair, I allowed myself to openly stare at the incredible sight before me. Siri's long raven locks lay fanned around his head, neck and shoulders burning like rays of an obsidian sun against the pale perfect flesh I had long desired to mark as my own. His long body was stretched in an easy sprawl covering the seat of the sofa. My lupine eyes took in every detail of his well-toned calves that dangled temptingly across the armrest and the rippling muscles in his left arm which cascaded gently to the floor.

But the slowly moving right hand of the now softly mumbling wizard was quickly becoming the focal point of my visual meal.

Long thick fingers which had guided a broom through many intricate moves now slid gently down the back of the sofa, his lightly furred arm bending heavily at the elbow caused the fingers to land upon a taut dark bud which they automatically rubbed then knowingly turned and traced a line of soft black hair to the top of the now tented sheet that covered my friends obvious and quite impressive erection. Slowly the now very envied fingers circled the swelling length and began a practiced rhythm to which my shallow breath fell quickly in time. All my senses where concentrated on the splendid form that now lay before me, panting, moaning and glistening with a light sheen of sweat in the glow of red and orange firelight. Up and down, faster and tighter I watched the digits circle and squeeze. Louder and louder the voice of the wolf cried out in my heart and mind. "Mine...Mine" he growled over and over, commanding me to bat away the intrusive appendage and replace it with tongue, lips and teeth that would nip and suckle until the cream of contentment filled our belly like warm milk on a cold winter night. It wasn't until I realized my own skilled hand was moving in a tempo of it's own that I gasped in horror at the reality of my thoughts and actions and quickly bolted from the room.

Safely in the kitchen, away from the sight of my ravishing friend I was able to slow my cantering, even as the low sleep-drenched moan of anguished lonely release ghosted across lupine ears, reminding me painfully how very unattainable my deeply desired intimacy with this wonderful man truly was.

As long as I'd know him Sirius had never...ever expressed romantic interest in a male. Surely if I had stayed any longer I'd have heard the name of whatever 'moan worthy' companion his dream filled mind had envision.

"Remus,"

"Oh, Gods Paddy," I snapped unintentionally as I reluctantly turned to greet my still flush faced friend, "you startled me."

"Sorry Re, but you were making enough noise out here to wake the dead." Sirius grinned, his hands now busy adjusting the sheet into an acceptable toga design, "I don't remember you being quite so violent when you cooked before."

"I guess I'm still a bit out of sorts from the change." I lied, turning quickly to the stove as I realized the scent of Sirius' seed was driving the wolf further and further from my control.

"You better go up and shower," I suggested as casually as my arousal deepened voice would allow, "we need to leave shortly, and it's not like I installed running water in that cave for you."

"Well the jokes on you then," my dark haired friend chuckled raising perfectly arched eyebrows, "I guess I'll just have to come by and use your shower more often...as Padfoot...so I can run around your house shaking water and fur everywhere..." The laughing voice ceased abruptly as the form of a large black dog went bounding up the stairs.

"Padfoot don't you dare," I bellowed tearing after the barking, shaking mass of fur that threatened to ruin my tidy abode.

`````````` Somehow, by the grace of Godric, at 12:01 I stood in front of the living room fireplace, nervously explaining to the wide-eyed animagus that, due to the fact that I wanted him to be surprised I was going to momentarily impair his sight and hearing while we floo'd to our destination, assuring him that his senses would return immediately upon our arrival."

"Sweet Merlin, Remus you don't have to do anything like this for me...you've done so much already," my honestly amazed and confused friend protested as I tried to convince him to remove his boots and socks on what had to be the coldest night in fifteen years, "I wouldn't be able to face myself in the bathroom glass if it wasn't for you Re."

"Come on Siri we need go," I prodded trying without success not to show my own excitement for pending adventure, "we have a limited amount of time to work with and I want you to enjoy this as long as you can. "

Finally after twenty-eight days of planning, I circled my arm around the momentarily blind and deaf, wizard who's implicit trust I had obviously re-earned, and spoke the words of a what promised to be an enchanted oasis for a for a still fearful pup and his lupine guide.

Moments later we alighted from swirling soot and flame into a wide expanse of grass, flowers, and warm, sweet springtime air. But most importantly was the vast star-lit sky that surrounded us like a cloak of black velvet imbued with diamonds. Of course the barely waning moon also loomed above us, but even the still strong pull of the pale silver orb couldn't dampen my spirits as the slowly comprehending fugitive realized the gift he'd be given.

"Where are we Re," the awe-struck voice of my suddenly fearful friend pleaded as he at last took notice that all signs of our entry way had vanished and only the open and unprotected night had taken its place.

"It's alright Siri, you're safe," I reassured placing a hesitant hand lightly on his shoulder, "I worked on placing wards around the house and grounds all month, but in the end it was just too cold, and I thought everything was ruined. But when you were so determined to keep me from using the cellar to transform, I knew I couldn't just give up on this. So yesterday afternoon when you were securing the attic I asked Albus to help me find an alternate location. I promise you can't be seen. I'd never do anything to jeopardize your safety Paddy... I just wanted to give you the stars."

Faster than I could react Sirius had wrapped me an embrace so tight it felt as if we'd become one flesh.

"Thank you Remy...thank you," my emotion choked friend whispered, his lips softly brushing the words against the tender flesh of my neck.

Then quick as a flash he was off, running through the grass toward a large tree half way across the clearing.

"Come on Re, don't just stand there...betcha can't catch me" the swiftly fleeing wizard teased as he neared the tree I knew he'd be climbing within moments.

"That's not fair Paddy," I called already closing the distance between us, "you really should give yourself more of a head start if you want to win."

In Padfoot form he could beat me, but on human legs he had very little chance of matching my lupine enhanced speed and grace.

To my surprise when I reached the tree Sirius had not begun to climb but instead was kneeling next to a picnic style basket he'd found hidden at the base of the tree. Two thoughts immediately raced through my mind at the sight of what my friend was pulling from the wicker treasure chest; the first being "what the hell was Albus trying to do" and second being "how many pins would I have to spot him at bowling to ever begin to thank him enough".

"A broom...oh God Remus, I haven't flown on a broom in fourteen years," the former beater practically squealed as he pulled the Firebolt from the magically space-enhanced basket. "Hop on Re...let's go for a spin."

"Oh, no" I stammered, declining the invitation and taking a few steps away from the now wild eyed wizard.

"Oh come on Re... pleeeeeease!"

"Sirius you just admitted that it's been fourteen years since you've flown on a broom," I reasoned, hoping that just once logic might prevail in the mind of my impetuous friend.

"So, I've flown on Buckbeak."

"That's entirely different." I argued adamantly, "Buckbeak has a brain, he simply tolerates you telling him where you want him to go. He's not going to allow you to crash him into a tree while you're getting there."

"So?"

"So? So, that broom is completely under your control, and the last time I flew with you, your landing landed me in the hospital wing."

"That wasn't my fault," Sirius defended himself knowing that for once I had picked the wrong platform from which to argue, "I told you to hang on to me, but Oh Noooo, you just had to be 'Mr. I'm in control. Mr. I'll be fine hanging on to the back of the bristles'.

Besides Re...you said we only have a short time here. I don't want to spend it with me soaring around in the air and you standing down here." The once again mischievous eyes had grown soft and pleading.

By his last softly spoken statement I was struck silent. There was no possible way for me to argue against Sirius not wanting to be separated from me. So reluctantly I swung my leg over the magical instrument of wood and straw, placed my hands lightly on my friend's waist and closed my eyes as the sweet enchanted breeze flowed freely across my face and through my hair.

"Please Siri not too hiiiiiiiiigh..."

"Relax Re," my throttle happy chauffeur called against the wind as we continued to pick up speed, "you used to fly higher and faster than Prongs and I ever dreamed of."

"It's not the speed **or** the height that I'm worried about Siri," I replied having to lean across his broad muscular back to get close enough for him to hear me. "It's the wards."

"Then you can quit fretting my dear professor, I may not have all my skills perfectly honed but I'm well aware of the boundaries in which I'm flying." Sirius promised and then proceeded to prove his point by racing into a tight spinning cork-screw that ran the length of the field, pulling out at the very last moment to sweep us up in a series of huge perfect loops that spanned from starry ceiling cap to grassy floor.

"Brilliant flying oh bright one," I cheered breathlessly as my heart returned to normal rhythm after the exhilarating display of aerobatics to which I'd just been treated. Attempting to show my own bit of daring I decided to leave my arms circled gently around his waist until we landed or he complained, which ever came first.

Having proven he could still fly with all the grace and speed of his youth, Sirius was then content to spend the next hour simply enjoying the feel of the wind sweetly kissing his face and brushing cool finger currents through the long strands of inky black hair that tangled intimately with my own flowing tawny tresses. For while we were flying I'd become far more- bold; having spent the last half hour with my chest curled against my moon-time protectors strong warm back, my head resting lightly on his shoulder.

"Tired Re?" Sirius asked softy, pulling a slightly sweaty hand away from the broom handle and placing it gently across my own.

"A bit," I admitted, secretly pleased with the easily accepted excuse to be so close to the warm strong body that fit perfectly against my own.

Quietly chastising himself for not taking into consideration how sore I still must be from the moon, Sirius began making slow sweeping circles, each one bringing us ever closer to the lush grassy ground.

"Okay Re we're down," my pilot announced as we both deftly swung our legs to the ground. Turning to face me Sirius grimaced at the sight of me rubbing my nearly numb backside. "I'm really sorry Re, God your arse has got to hurt like a bitch after riding on my broom stick for an hour."

Looking slowly up to meet the mortified eyes of my now red faced friend, I merely raised a tawny eyebrow in reply to the innocent statement that was causing nothing but soundless words to flow from perfect pale lips.

Taking pity on the all but cowering canine before me, I grabbed him firmly by the elbow and started back toward the tree where we'd first started our now memorable flight.

"Come on Siri, let's go raid the goodies I saw packed in that basket." I called taking off at a trot "I'll race you back"

The taller man that now trailed a good distance behind me had always been competitive by nature, so the mere fact that he did not transform to his faster canine form in order to beat me to the bark and leaf covered destination only further proved how very much this fleeting night of starlit freedom meant to him.

Turning back to check the distance between us I was surprised to see he'd stopped only a few meters from our starting point and was looking intently at a brightly twinkling spot in the night sky.

At the sight of my suddenly entranced friend, all thoughts of races, brooms and misspoken comments fled my mind as the realization of what this time meant to him hit me with the force of Moony's monthly emergence.

Silently I summoned the basket then re-traced my steps until I stood only inches behind the still motionless form, debating the best way to help my obviously struggling friend. In our youth Sirius had always been the one to reach out to others, always been the one to throw his heart on the table and offer it as protection or punching bag just as he'd still done for me only the night before.

"It's still there." Sirius suddenly stated, the sound of his unexpected comment pulling me from my inner reflection. "I knew it was of course, I've seen it as Padfoot and also when I was riding on Buckbeak, but I've not had a chance to simply look at it since October of 1981. I think it's different."

"Of course it's different," I confirmed setting down the basket and placing my hands lightly on his shoulders. "but it still shines with the same light...nothing can change that."

"Are you sure Re," my friend questioned, turning to face me, "are you really sure that it's seen for its own light, and not the for darkness that surrounds it?"

"Sirius will always be a bright, beautiful guiding light. The dog - star is a constant, it never waivers...it never has...it never will. Clouds may over shadow it for a time, but its unfailing light is still there." I answered honestly, both of us knowing the dazzling beauty of the diamond bright light above us had never been in question.

This was only the second day I'd spent with my friend in human form since his escape from the hell that is Azkaban, and I was still only beginning to see the real damage that thirteen years at the mercy of the dementors had done. Hopefully over the coming months there would be more time to dig below the surface of the slowly mending heart and mind of a man who had always been far more complex than his devil may care attitude had made him appear.

Silently I pulled my still very fragile friend into a light embrace hoping to steady myself against the dizziness that lack of food and sleep was causing me to combat.

Noticing the swaying of my body and shaking of my hands, Sirius gently lowered us to the ground then turned from me to quickly rummage through the basket pulling out the treats that Albus had so wisely thought to pack.

"When's the last time you ate Re?" My once again composed companion demanded, taking strength as he always had in the opportunity to care for a friend.

"Lunch," I whispered meeting misty storm raged orbs, then dropping my eyes to the plate of fruit and cheese that had been placed in my lap, I hesitantly continued, "day before yesterday."

I expected to be yelled at. I expected to be lectured. I did not expect the sound of my friend's quiet confused voice asking a question I was not prepared to answer.

"Why are you still alone Re? What's happened in your life to make seeing a mess of a man like me each month seem like such a treat?"

"It **is** a treat to see you Paddy." I responded without hesitation knowing I could answer the easy parts of his question with complete honesty. "Moony and I have missed you more than you could possibly know, and Sirius, you are far from being a mess my friend." I continued finally turning to face a man I expected to be staring at me with unbelieving eyes. But again my expectations were not met. Instead I was greeted by the sight of my childhood friend stretched comfortably in the soft grass gazing at the moon and stars, his head cradled by palms and intertwined fingers of large masculine hands.

Somehow, even after seven years of witnessing this comforting sight, I had mistaken the tone of his voice for pity and self- loathing ...it wasn't. My friend was simply irritated that he couldn't read my thoughts and motives as he'd always been able to. Sirius felt I was lost to him...and he wanted me back.

Following his lead I arranged my long limbs in a comfortable sprawl, but the cushion of my own slender hands was not nearly as adequate as my friend's pillowed paws.

"You're not doing it right Remus," Sirius corrected, never tearing his gaze from the celestial celebration above us, "don't you remember how this works best?"

'Of course I remember,' I thought to myself, 'I could see us lounging by the lake at midnight as clear as if it was yesterday'. I had to admit though, it hurt that Sirius remembered everything about me... dementors were supposed to steal all your happy memories...wiped completely from your mind until someone relayed them to you in detail. So why was my image so clear within his heart?

"I wasn't sure you were up for sharing tonight," I replied aloud as I changed the angle of my body so my head rested easily on the comfortable triangular pillow of his bent bicep and forearm, my shoulder fitting snug against his chest.

"Now, my dear Moony," Sirius rebuked with mock sternness, "how about you try and give me something that resembles an honest answer to my question instead of the crock of crap you just tried to shove down my throat like one of Poppy's putrid potions. Then we'll go on to the one that you so nicely avoided."

"It **was** an honest answer," I replied simply, "one I didn't even have to stop and think about, though I know it'll take a good deal of convincing to get you to believe it." I added knowingly, elbowing him lightly in his still too prominent rib cage, then continued on hoping if I took long enough extolling the virtues of his friendship he might give me a reprieve on the second half of his inquiry. "Siri, you've been my best friend since I was eleven years old. Even after thirteen years apart you still know more and care more about me than anyone I've ever met...including my parents. Just spending the moons with Padfoot and reading your notes was a treat...sharing time like this is treasure." I finished softly.

"Remus, why are you still alone?" Although never tensing his body, my still prone packmate's voice trembled on each word as though their mere existence in combination was painful to his soul.

"Please don't feel sorry for me Paddy," I pleaded, while mentally chastising myself for the words I had uttered over the last several moons. It was bad enough that I had spoken of silencing the wolf's whimpers for a mate he would never possess; but bemoaning my self induced solitude on Christmas night to a man who'd spent thirteen alone, had been reprehensible. The fact that he had not admonished me for my selfishness but instead stayed long after I'd drifted off to sleep served only to remind me how foolish I had been to ever believe him capable of betraying his dearest friends.

"I'll answer your question Siri, although I'd prefer not to, but I have a question of my own to which I feel I' m entitled to an answer."

"Go ahead Re," Sirius encouraged me, "I have nothing to hide from you."

"I spoke with Harry after the first task and I'd like to know which face is real," I demanded softly, "the one you present to me or the one you present to him."

"The only time I hid my true self from you Remus, my best mate and his wife wound up dead." Sirius answered quietly but without pause, "I will never hide myself from you again. Harry will see a slightly different after Azkaban version of his godfather each time we meet. I don't ever want him to be in a position of easily recognizing me in a crowd. It places him in danger as much as it does me." Sirius paused briefly after what was an unexpected but unusually logical explanation, but then continued on in a ghostly soft voice I had to strain to hear, "You know I'm too vain to continue looking like I did, but if I were going to use a glamour charm around you, I'd have done a hell of a lot better than this."

Turning to face my friend for the first since resting my head on his arm, I was startled to be only centimeters from the intricate swirl of silver and blue that raged within his eyes. Moony whimpered at the scent of the salty flesh that was near enough to nuzzle. For long moments we simply stared, each with a different question reflecting in our eyes, until at last he broke the spell, turning once again to seek comfort in the honesty of the stars.

"Your turn" Sirius reminded me, no hint of playfulness softening his voice, "There's a picture of a beautiful female werewolf on your desk...so why in hell am I the one running with Moony and leaving you tea?"

My heart constricted as my long desired love nearly spat the words. Had I really appeared so needy that he felt compelled to return each moon? Did he wish he could finally free himself of the promise he'd made so long ago? Oh sweet Merlin, I though he had enjoyed mine and Moony's company the last two moons. On the verge of calling an end to this charade, I started to speak but Sirius suddenly continued on, his voice changing once more to that of fear and pain.

"Is she dead Re...I know if Moony's mate dies, you'll die ...is that it Remy? Am I going to loose you too?"

I didn't have to look at my friend to know there were tears streaming in jagged tracks across chiseled cheekbones to at last drip like raindrops from earlobes my tongue and teeth would eagerly tease and torment.

"I am not dying Sirius, but even if I were, I would never wish for you to continue joining me for the moons if it is only a monthly chore, completed to ease the conscious of a guilty soul. If you do not join me out of love for a friend then let's leave now, for my loneliness will be your concern no longer, and I will ask you not to return again."

"That's not what I meant Remus." the tear choked voice of a man I would never intentionally hurt pierced painfully within my heart and mind, "I just can't believe that there isn't someone with whom you share your life...and love."

"I told you in November that Moony whines and howls for his mate, it's true. But to this mate he is bound by desire alone, he has never nor will he ever be allowed to claim his life partner. It is not a union that was meant to be."

"So you're alone because **Moony** can't have his desired mate?" Sirius's implication of the stupidity of this notion, hung clearly between us.

"In ancient Roman times, it was believed that there was a vein in the third finger of the left hand that ran directly to the heart. That's the reason that wedding rings are worn as they are." I began hesitantly and immediately could sense Sirius bristling at my side. "I've had the opportunity to wear such a ring twice in the last twelve years. But each time I've walked away." At this point I stopped for a deep breath, pausing intentionally to give my friend time to question me if he wished, there being no indication that any comment was forthcoming, I mustered my shield of control and forged on.

Marta, is the name of the woman in the picture, Siri. I apologize for not telling you about her but we really haven't had much time to chat. And I had forgotten that you know the contents of my home better than I do..."

"I'm sorry Re, I shouldn't have gone through..."

"It's alright Padfoot," I reassured him honestly, tuning once again the meet the uncertain eyes of a man who thought he'd vastly over stepped his bounds, "If I were angry with you do you think I would be wearing the ring you found..."

"Safely buried away," Sirius interrupted, "like the traitor who gave it to you."

"Don't ever say that Paddy," I snapped, angry at myself for allowing him to find it that way, "I was never happy to have you buried away on that island of horrors. I just couldn't look at it...remembering what you said when you gave it to me...I wanted my real star." I admitted, my voice having softened to almost a whisper.

"So how did you meet Marta," Sirius pushed, steering the conversation back to his desired topic.

"I met her in a werewolf detention facility six years ago. Don't ask!" I immediately warned turning glowing eyes on a man who knew better than to challenge me when I allowed the wolf so near, not out of fear for the monster but out of respect for the raw feeling that must exist for me to show such a feral side. Swallowing my repulsion of the memory, I continued on wanting nothing more than to finish this tale as quickly as possible.

"Marta and I got to know each other over the ten months we were detained." I began again, sticking to the simple facts as much as possible. "We were released on the same day...she had no where go, so I took her back to the "werewolf approved" sub-leased flat that Albus had secured for me."

"Cozy" Sirius snapped, the sarcasm in his voice barely outweighing the glare in his narrowed eyes.

"No, not really," I smiled returning the inflection in-kind, then after pulling my self to a sitting position, I nibbled momentarily on a piece of cheese while I searched for the proper words to explain the situation.

"I'm sorry Re," my raven haired friends soft voice and breath tickled across my ear, "I have no right to pry into your life. It's just that...well it was almost always just us...and well...it just seems so strange to imagine you've had this whole life time that I know nothing about. You're still my best friend Remus and I hardly know you!" the confused and lonely wizard that now sat with his arms wrapped around his knees, signed in resignation dropping his chin to his chest.

"Sirius, as I've already told you, you still know me better than anyone else who has been a part of my life. If you let me finish maybe you'll believe I'm telling you the truth." I replied, fighting desperately against the urge to turn and nuzzle the face whose slightly bony chin now rested on my shoulder. Accepting his silent invitation to continue I hurried on, knowing our time was now fleeting.

"Male and female werewolves were kept in separate areas both at night and during the moons. Can't have any were-cubs running around you know," I bristled, unable to keep the resentment from my voice. "So obviously there had never been physical relationship between us. The first moon after she moved in we spent it together in the small re- enforced room that was provided. Honestly I hoped that Moony would give up on his unattainable desire and at least take an interest in Marta's wolf. Unfortunately they hated each other and we both woke up bloody and bruised from the others teeth and claws.

After a few charms and little sleep we managed to help each other to the living room. We were both apologizing and crying in remorse for the damage we'd caused each other...and then we were kissing...then we were in bed.

We tried to spend two more moons together, but it only got worse, so I stayed at the flat and Marta went the werewolf reserve so she could run with the others that lived there."

"Why the hell didn't you go run outdoors with the others" Sirius blurted out.

"Because Moony's too violent Sirius...he's mean and vicious..."

"Bullshit he's playful and loving"

"To his pack, Sirius...to his pack." I shouted, turning to meet the equally defiant wizard face to face; not wanting to admit more than necessary but desperately needing my mercifully dense friend to understand that the wolf isn't a playmate.

"Except for the moons we spent the next year together, she was the one who brought up marriage and I agreed."

"Did you love her?"

"I think so...in some ways. I kept telling myself that it was the first time I'd ever been with someone who understood me completely. Someone who knew what I was and understood how important it was for me to be seen for who and not what I am. It was comfortable...and it was a lie." I softly admitted aloud for the fist time. "So two months before the wedding I called it off.

My parents were furious, they couldn't understand how I could throw away a 'chance of a life time' as they called it.

Three months later Marta married a man she met and mated with at the reserve. They're very happy. If you had looked on the book shelf you would have found a picture of me with Marta and Elliot at their wedding."

"I'll have to look for that the next time I'm over." Sirius's sheepish reply could barely be heard above the birds that were rustling quietly in the trees behind us; a warning that our time was almost over.

"So who was the first one Re," Sirius urged pulling me back down to our previously comfortable position.

"Annika" I blushed

"Annika" Sirius sputtered, "the red haired Ravenclaw you wouldn't sha.."

"Yes, that Annika," I broke in, angry and hurt that Sirius had always been so thrilled about trying to get me in bed with any girl he could think of. But my heart had broken with each new detail surrounding the few partners that he had.

"You never understood it did you Siri? Why I never slept with her. Come on Sirius think about it!" I yelled jumping to my feet and pacing back and forth in front of him. "Even at seventeen with raging hormones it's a bit rude to say 'Excuse me for not taking my clothes off...I'll just unzip my pants if that's alright with you'. Oh that's very romantic don't you think? Or I could have used the other approach.. 'oh, never mind all the scars that decorate my damn near translucent skin...oh especially that jagged one that looks like teeth!. Do you think that would have been better Paddy?

**You** could strip when ever you wanted to Siri and the girls would line up to watch...I didn't have that option." I sighed in defeat, sinking to my knees it front of him.

"What happened with Annika," Sirius asked, gently taking my hand in his.

"She came to see me after you were sent to Azkaban. It was nice to have a friend. We dated for a while and she did okay with the werewolf admission until she saw me after a change. She said she couldn't take caring for me after the moons, and asked me to use the BWA secured facilities. I actually considered it...but I wound up leaving before the next full. She would never have been able to be a mate to me let alone Moony... **he** almost felt sorry for her"

Looking at the beautiful moon kissed face before me I could still see confusion in his stormy starlit eyes.

"You still don't understand why I'm alone do you Paddy." I smiled as he shook his head.

"Sirius, both times I considered marrying it was because it was comfortable...safe...but never right. The wolf was never willing to compromise his heart... but I was. And I finally realized I couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't settle for a maybe just because they knew what I am and didn't run in fear. If **Moony** is willing to wait for the impossible, than so am I. I know my heart and my mind Siri and I'd rather surround myself with the love of friends and family then risk committing myself to someone who simply cured my loneliness, when a life long love is still possible."

Nodding his understanding Sirius finally spoke again "Would you commit yourself to someone other than Moony's desired mate?"

"If I truly loved them I'd be willing to...yes." I answered knowing I would never have to face that decision.

"Remus there's something I need to ask you," Sirius stammered, just as the sound I was dreading echoed in my sensitive ears.

"DAMN IT", I cursed "Come on Siri we need to go **now**!

"But Re..."

"No...now! It's already ten past five. We have to go, I promised Albus five o'clock sharp. Hurry Paddy we can't let them see you! Leave everything...hurry," I prodded pulling Sirius along with me to the spot the flu had dropped us. "Take your shoes," I reminded my very confused barefoot friend and threw a handful of floo powder into the flames.

"Remus, thank you so much" Sirius grinned grabbing both of my hands, having already tossed his shoes in his robe. "I'll be back, and I will ask you, but this time it won't be thirteen years," the beautiful man in front of me promised as he hugged me, then jumped into the flames just as I shouted 'Honeydukes'."

Then he was gone and I stood in stunned silence as I realized the scene we'd played thirteen years before had just been reenacted. The clasped hands, the hug...oh god how could I have forgotten that look in his eye the last time he left me.

Drawn from my memory by the sounds of approaching footsteps followed by the creaking of age old wooden doors, I quickly threw a handful of floo powder into the flames, and jumped, never looking behind me. Knowing that of all the beauty of our starlit sanctuary, the only thing that remained was the slowly setting moon, ancient stones and long wooden tables. Cinderella's night was over, but for me, no glass broomstick remained.

"Lupin what are you doing here?" Snape's voice echoed in my mind as I disappeared into the flames.


	4. Chapter 4

~~~~February~~~~

There are two widely accepted approaches to dealing with unpleasant situations.

The first, being to focus your mind on an alternate setting. One that allows you to mentally escape your current surroundings and focus, as some say, "on a happy place". My "happy place" exists in the small space between the nose and chin of a man roughly three inches taller than myself. And although I've only been there in my dreams, I know that it can be easily reached by a simple stretch of my torso and tilt of my head. My "ecstatic place" place lies between the navel and knees of the same man, and I do not allow my self to contemplate the vast array of possibilities involving "happy place" meets "ecstatic place" or "ecstatic place" meets "ecstatic place". It's just too damn depressing and I hate listening to the wolf whimper.

The second approach is to focus on a scenario significantly worse than the one you are currently facing thus making your current state of affairs seem tolerable.

This was easy due to having replayed the event of attempting to give Sirius a carefree starry night that turned into "True Confessions of Remus Lupin", over and over in my heart and mind for the last twenty four days. It wasn't that I minded answering my friend's questions...I didn't. It wasn't that I was embarrassed by the decisions I have made regarding the partners in my life...I wasn't. What made the night so tragic were the expressions that molded my friend's features through out the evening. Shock, pain, guilt and despair each took turns replacing the smile that had graced his carefree face during our brief flight into the celestial subterfuge that had capped our private playground.

I realized of course that I was being childish in my expectations of the night's outcome. It was never meant to be a romantic rendezvous. It was simply meant as a gift of momentary freedom in which to touch the stars with human eyes, heart and soul. The fact that Sirius wished to use this time to question my own solitary existence was his choice to make, and if knowing my past helped him to reconcile with his own then the evening was not ill used.

After watching Sirius floo to Honeydukes, where he was to begin his trek to the remote cave he would then call home, I myself floo'd to Dumbledore's office intent on thanking him for the wonderful forest setting, the firebolt and of course the food. But much to my dismay the Headmaster was nowhere to be found, so instead I hastily summoned a quill and parchment with which to leave a heartfelt note.

A note.

There would be no note from Sirius this moon I reminded myself as I placed the neatly folded thank you on Albus's desk and walked slowly to the fire. No note, no tea. But in their place I had the scent of Sirius surrounding me as my hair fell around my face when I stepped into the flames and headed home. And when I gracefully exited beneath the simple wooden mantle into the living room of my lonely cottage I was assaulted by the musk and cedar signature of my now far away friend.

I'll admit, I was tempted to go in search of the green cotton sheet and curl beneath it on the sofa where he had laid not so very long ago, desiring nothing more than to be surrounded by a cloak of cotton and cu...

No! I would not allow myself delve further into this fantasy. It had been a perfect night to speak of love and desire, but Sirius had mentioned nothing of the sort. Instead he had been content to question the reasons for the loneliness of which I had spoken the moon before. Sirius would never be my lover...Sirius was and always would be my friend.

Quickly I turned from the sensually scented room and followed the trail of Padfoot's fur to the bath where at least the cool of the shower would act as a counter curse to the tingling, but carefully hidden hardness that had plagued me through most of the night. I washed quickly, not wishing to remain within the vanilla scented shell of the shower enclosure any longer than necessary.

Stepping from the tile torture chamber I toweled off in the cool misty air that hung heavy in the outer room. Per daily habit I reached to grab my razor from the self above the sink but instead my fingers stretched out to trace random squiggles across the moisture - covered mirror, causing my careworn reflection to appear jagged and incomplete.

How ironic. How true

Turning from the reality the misty bathroom glass revealed I moved on to the bedroom, blessedly but sadly the room that smelled the least of my now absent friend.

Crossing to the bed I dropped the towel I had slung low across my hips and slipped beneath the magically warmed sheets, thanking Merlin that it was not necessary to rely on my nearly non-existent body heat in place of a completely non-existent mate to keep me warm.

Turning to extinguish the bedside candles I was shocked to find a small leaf of parchment laying flat upon the nightstand. Quickly I rolled onto my stomach, propped myself on elbows and forearms and began to the read the words of the hastily scribbled note that lay on the pillow before me.

Remy,

'I'm writing this while I'm in the shower. You'll have to admit I did very well on the water repellant charm. I know you will yell at me to hurry up as soon as the water stops so this way you can't get mad at me for dawdling.

Re, I should have told you something earlier tonight. I was going to but we started talking about Moony's behavior and then about James...and well...we were pretty comfortable for a time...just laying there together...mourning Jamie. And then I told you about Albus stopping by and you told me about the cave (thanks by the way, it makes me feel much better to know that you were the one that placed the wards and charms) and then I went to take my nap and then it was time to come up and shower and I don't want to upset you before we go so I guess I'll just make you really pissed now that I'm safely tucked away in my well protected cave.

I told you that Moony behaved well during the moon. Actually he behaved very, very well. I shared with you back in October that I wished I had touched the wolf when I had the chance...when you were still taking the horrible potion'

Suddenly I started to tremble as I read the strong slanted script in front of me...oh no Siri, oh god please don't say what I think you're going to.

'When Moony curled up and went to sleep by Jamie's trunk I nudged you a few times, thinking you would get back up and play. But like I said earlier, you just laid there, sleeping so serenely'

Only Sirius would describe a bloodthirsty monster as serene, I chuckled.

'Before I even thought about it I had transformed. I don't know if the wolf is just so used to my scent that it didn't matter what form I took, if there is a residual effect of the potion after taking it for three years, or if Moony was just so lost in his grief that he didn't care... but when I reached out to touch him, he never moved, never even raised his nose to sniff the change in the air.

I sat for a long time stroking just behind your ears. Then I ran my hand down your neck burying my fingers in the thick soft fur just above your shoulders. Finally I trailed my palm down the curve of your spine following the line of fur all the way to the tip of your tail.

It wasn't until I pulled my hand away that I realized I wasn't looking at a werewolf. I wasn't looking at a being that haunts your mind and shares your soul. It was as if I were looking through the fur and flesh and seeing you. I always told you that I understood the importance of recognizing the presence of the wolf within you, but now I also understand that you are present within the wolf and I couldn't help but wonder, if Moony were awake could he see Padfoot within me?

Siri

I should have been irate with Sirius for touching the fur of the wolf, but all I knew as I drifted off to sleep was that what he had really touched was Moony's heart.

I slept for over twenty -four hours. One hour it seems for each day counted before my friends return as it was almost time for the moon and still Sirius's question remained unasked.

So there I had them; two perfectly acceptable diversions to help me forget that I was wading out of the freezing water at the edge of the Hogwarts Lake; soaking wet, freezing cold and adorned most unattractively in strips and globs of sodden pink and white crape paper. Why in bloody hell did all the rejected pissed off students have to throw their ruddy cards and decorations in the lake?

The problem was that both of my diversions helped only to remind me of my real reason for the depression I was battling.

From the age of fifteen I hated February 14th. Not because I was an ugly wallflower who never received a card or a flirtatious sidelong glance; because I did, they just never came from the person the wolf desired to keep within his clutches until the day of cupid was over and the hours of claiming began. Sirius, of course was this person.

'Happy Fucking Valentines Day!' I wished myself, while tugging violently at a red paper rose that was entwined within my hair.

Very rarely did I lose my temper. Very rarely did I rant and rave about something as trivial as being pelted with discarded chocolate covered cherries by a heartbroken student to whom my presence was unknown. But why in bloody hell did Albus have to pick tonight of all nights to request that I begin contacting the lake's inhabitants as to the specifics of the second task?

I realized, of course, that the underwater test was only ten days away and that the safety of all the students was the primary concern. But this year with the scent of Sirius so fresh in the wolf's heart and mind all I really wanted to do was go to bed early on the fourteenth and miss as much of the fifteenth as possible. Albus unfortunately had very different plans and flatly refused to allow me to begin my work on the sixteen and finish after the moon.

'Remus, you know as well as I that protecting the students in this environment is vastly different than having dragon handlers at the ready in an open setting.' The headmaster had reminded me gently. 'Harry and the other champions will be depending upon the relationship that you have established with the plethora of underwater creatures to keep them safe should any unforeseen circumstances arise. You alone will be in the lake as their unseen defender if anything goes array.'

I was as powerless to deny the request of my wise and mysterious friend as I was to deny a request made by Sirius. So after two hours of last minute research I floo'd to the headmasters office, cloaked myself with a powerful invisibility spell and then proceeded to the lake where I'd spent the last six hours bargaining with anyone I could find.

It was eight o'clock when at last, satisfied that I had an excellent start on my emergency rescue plans, that I trudged from the lake cold, wet and infinitely more miserable than when I'd entered. All I wanted to do was apperate home, take a shower, and crawl into my lonely bed. Actually that was a lie. What I really wanted to do was go to the cave that Sirius was now occupying, strip him naked, claim him as my mate and make love to him until the sun rose. I guess I would have to settle for hot tea, a cold shower and possibly a good book.

When I reached the pile of rocks where I'd stowed my cloak and shoes, I found a note that actually managed to make my current state of irritation infinitely worse, a fate I hadn't thought possible.

Remus,

Again I wish to thank you for your diligent efforts this evening. Although I realize you were, shall we say, less then enthusiastic in respect to my choice of timing I believe you will find the end result of tonight's endeavors and those in the days to come to be far more satisfying than you can imagine.

'Of course I knew the headmasters words to be correct. The safety of the students and the creation of new alliances with previously uncontacted lake dwellers was very satisfying. Perhaps instead of reading tonight I should spend time noting my observations while they were still fresh in my mind, I thought to myself as I slipped on my shoes, deciding that perhaps the evenings adventure was not as horrible as I had previously imagined. After all I'd be home in a few minutes and just being dry and warm would help my spirits immensely'

However Remus, there is one thing I forgot to inform you of before you departed the castle this evening. Due to some entertaining I will be doing this evening, the fireplace in my office will be unavailable for your return home. Unfortunately I will have to ask you to walk to the outer gates of Hogwarts and apperate to the cottage from there.

Happy Valentines Day Albus Dumbledore

P.S. Remus don't forget if you use a drying charm on the lake water, whatever is dried will smell forever like the lake...this includes your skin.

Albus

Well isn't this just fucking wonderful, I raged as I stuffed the note into the pocket of my robe. Not only do I have to walk to the entrance of Hogwarts grounds in soaking wet robes, but I can't even floo home. No, I have to fucking apparate to the woods surrounding the cottage and walk another mile, because it's governed by the same apparition wards the castle is.

Sweet Merlin I sighed, listening to the voice that was screaming in my head, I sound like Sirius...since when do even my silent conversations include the word 'fuck'?

Resigned to my soggy, cold fate, I picked up my pack and headed toward the main gate...well at least the stars were out.

As I made my way to the back door of the cottage I was glad to see I had remembered my custom of leaving the kitchen and bedroom lights on. It was always depressing enough to enter an empty house, but entering a dark empty house was far worse.

Opening the back door, I was stopped dead in my tracks by the sight of Sirius standing at the stove dressed in a blood red silk shirt and black leather trousers that appeared to be painted on his flesh.

"You're early Re," my raven- haired chef smiled as he turned to face me, "and you're soaked." He added striding toward me wand raised, I was certain, in preparation for a drying spell.

"Don't Siri,'" I snapped raising my own hand in a gesture meant to halt his movement, having no desire to smell eternally of squid and lake water. "What the hell are you doing here?" I continued my voice still sharp from surprise and frustration.

"I'm sorry...I ...I should have asked to stop by," my friend stammered, taking a nervous step back, embarrassment flooding quickly across his features. "I'll go."

"No, no please don't go Paddy," I begged, having recovered from my initial shock of unexpectedly finding him in my home wearing such a festive outfit. " You're always welcome here Siri, you know that. I'm sorry I snapped at you," I continued on hastily, trying to regain some measure of composure. "I was simply surprised to see you that's all. Please stay."

"Only if you promise to go up and shower before dinner" the once again smiling animagus, teased as he sniffed at me in a very Padfootesque fashion. "And take your time," he called after me as I headed up the stairs, "dinner won't be ready for almost an hour."

"Am I not worthy of predinner conversation," I inquired, raising a tawny eyebrow as I turned to look over my shoulder at a man who had not budged an inch while I made my way to the upper floor.

"Oh most definitely worthy," my far too serious friend replied meeting my gaze with unblinking sapphire eyes. "Just too damn distracting," he finished dropping his voice barely above a whisper as he spun on his heels and returned to the kitchen; leaving me with only a whining wolf for company.

This night was not going to be easy. Even under normal conditions it was growing increasingly difficult to silence Moony's growls of desire that threatened to escape my own throat and lips. But now with Lupercilia less than three hours away the wolf saw no reason for his intended mate to be within the protection of our den if his desire was not to join with us.

After several long moments of staring at the spot the devilishly attired animagus had previously stood, I turned and slowly made my way to the bath where I quickly rid myself of the smelly sodden robe that clung to my slender frame in all the wrong places. It wasn't until I tossed the still dripping garment onto the floor that I realized what my smirking friend had been so amused by as his gaze lingered a bit too long on the section of fabric just below my waist...the bastard could have told me I had a large pink paper heart stuck to my arse. Hurt by the now explained stare and angry with myself for being foolish enough to believe it could have been a look of longing,I turned an angry hand toward the robe and banished it forever in a ball of blue flame.

Coming to my senses once again, I stepped into the shower and as the heat of the pulsing spray relaxed my body and mind I began to ponder the logical reasons why Sirius was in my house on Valentines Day dressed as if he were the cover photo on a muggle greeting card.

Even though his appearance was vastly different from the snarling wild-eyed photo that had stalked across the wanted posters a year ago surely Sirius hadn't risked being seen by venturing out, no matter how cautiously, to seek female companionship on this supposed day of love.

No, that wasn't it I reassured myself, after snapping the bar of soap into numerous jagged pieces at the thought of Siri with a soft warm female partner. If Sirius carried the scent of an unnamed companion Moony would have caught the presence of the vulgar intrusion and immediately started whimpering and snarling.

Finished with the newly transfigured star shaped soap. I reached for the shampoo whose aroma now defined desire and defeat all in one glistening drop of liquid. Quickly I lathered and rinsed my shoulder length hair, in whose changing texture I could already feel the closeness of the emerging wolf.

Trying to calm the beast within me, I stood under the soothing spray pondering the significance, if any, of Siri's appearance at my home this night. After twelve years in Azkaban it was altogether possible that Sirius didn't even remember the meaning behind Valentines Day.

That's it, I realized as I turned off the spray and grabbed a towel to dry off with, completely forgetting about the once again safe charm.

Sirius might not remember Valentines Day, and other than his choice of shirts, there were no other decorations in the room to suggest he did, but Sirius would remember Lupercilia. We'd talked about it many times when we were in school and he'd always been very supportive and understanding of my mood changes as the day of mating approached. From the time I turned sixteen, he had been adamant about spending this very difficult day with me, barely letting me out of his sight. And although his concern for my depressed mood was very touching, his close proximity inevitably made the hours of the fifteenth seem endless in their passing.

Even after graduation Sirius had continued this tradition, always fixing a special dinner for us late on the night of the fourteenth, just to let me know he hadn't forgotten the significance of the day ahead. Then, obviously assuming that I would be badgered by the wolf for not having found a mate, he never strayed far from my side until the clock struck midnight announcing the passing of yet another unmarked day.

I couldn't believe I had forgotten a tradition that, after my confessions of matelessness this past moon, would surely seem more important to my friend than ever before. Every year I had wondered what Sirius would say or do if he knew the thoughts and desires that plagued my mind and various other body parts during this day of mating, thoughts and desires that never involved anyone other than him.

Noticing I'd been upstairs far longer than I had planned, I quickly wrapped the towel around my waist and headed to the bedroom to dress for dinner. Deciding against my shabby old robes but not feeling the need to dress up I crossed to the bureau by the window and located a pair of comfortable old blue jeans. As I pulled the soft worn fabric over my equally worn but soft skin I caught sight of the moon shining clear and cold in the cloudless sky. Absent-mindedly I leaned my shoulder against the window frame becoming completely lost in the magic and mystery of the late winter sky.

"Beautiful isn't it" Sirius whispered, so close to me that I could feel his warm breath against the side of my face, even as the silk of his shirt brushed against my bare back.

"The moon?" I asked softly, carefully concealing my surprise at his sudden appearance. "no, not really."

"You used to be able to see the beauty of the moon Re." Sirius recalled, a sudden concern hinting at his tone.

"Oh I can still see beauty in the moon, Siri," I reassured him, resisting the temptation to lean back against the strong silken covered chest that teased so luxuriously behind me. "Just not when it's looks like that." I explained gesturing toward the odd shaped orb that in less than seventy-two hours would have the power to literally turn me inside out.

"Like what," my friend pushed gently, determined that I should share my thoughts on this trivial subject.

"Ugly...misshapen..."

"Incomplete?" Sirius offered quietly

Squeezing my eyes tight against the tearful truth the singular word bespoke, I simply nodded never turning to face the man who knew so much, yet so little about the reality he had dared to name aloud.

Sensing my discomfort, Sirius walked slowly to the closet to select a sweater, giving me a much-appreciated moment to compose myself.

"Sweet Merlin Remus, did you transform in these things? They all have holes in them?" the once again smiling prankster teased, as he took to digging through the shelf full of sweaters I 'd collected over the years

"I'll have you know those are all quite comfortable and very warm," I replied with mock indignation, having rubbed my eyes dry and once again regained my legendary control.

"Right, Professor... warm my arse," the now earnestly concerned animagus growled with barely concealed sarcasm while continuing to dig through the stack of multi colored cotton and wool garments, "what do you do layer three at a time so all the threadbare spots are covered by another sweater?"

"Good lord Siri, it's not nearly as bad as all that," I laughed, rescuing my wardrobe from the floor as he proceeded to prove the similarities between his searching and Padfoot's digging skills.

"Where's that green one you had on last time I saw you?'" my friend, who now very much resembled his canine form called over his shoulder, taking a moment to push long raven strands of hair away from his eyes.

"Over there in the bureau," I mumbled automatically, surprised he had any idea what I wore the last time he saw me.

"Ah, of course, the smallest storage space in the room," he carried on melodramatically, crossing back to the three -drawer dresser by the window. "Let me guess...this is the clothing that's actually acceptable for public viewing?"

"Oh, give it here Padfoot," I snapped only semi- jokingly, reaching across his back to grab the sweater from his hands as he bent in front of the middle dresser drawer.

As my bare chest met his silk covered shoulder I pulled quickly away, suddenly very aware of my pale scarred flesh that shone almost blue in the moonlight. Turning toward the bed in a foolish gesture of modesty I shimmied into the warm woolen garment, without notice to my friend's silent approach.

"I was afraid maybe you'd grabbed a broom and escaped out the window to avoid my cooking," Sirius spoke while my back was still turned to him, no trace of humor lingering in his voice.

"Oh, for heaven's sake Paddy why would you say a thing like that?" I questioned him, turning to meet surprisingly tender eyes.

"Well for starters 'Mr. Aren't I Worthy of Pre-dinner Conversation,'" He teased as a smile started pulling at the corners of his smooth full lips. "You've been up here over an hour. I was beginning to think you were trying to duck out of our traditional dinner," he added, soft sapphire eyes lowering, in what I could only perceive as embarrassment.

"I'm sorry Sirius, truly," I apologized. "I had no idea I'd taken so long. But I certainly wasn't trying to avoid you or our dinner." I promised, determined not to make my friend any more uncomfortable with the situation than he already seemed to be.

"Come on Re, lets go down and eat," Siri invited, placing his right hand at the small of my back; encouraging me to move toward the door. I very willingly complied. Then much to my surprise the warm welcome pressure of his hand stayed firmly in place until I was formally seated at a candlelit table for two in my own cozy kitchen.

Nothing in the room had changed really. The walls and floor were the same. There was no fine lace cloth to conceal the plain wooden table, nor expensive china upon which our food was placed. The pine handled utensils were the same as when I used them at breakfast. And in the company of any other living soul the two red pillar candles whose flames illuminated our humble surrounds would have been simply that, the light by which a shared meal was enjoyed.

But in the company of Sirius Black everything was different.

Now as I sat listening to the mantel clock mark half past ten, I was amazed to find myself marveling at the intricate carved design that decorated the handle of the knife with which I sliced the bread that Siri had placed before me. A design when closely examined proved to be two interwoven lines that swirled in and around until it was impossible to tell where one stopped and the other began.

"Well, I don't think the warming charm hurt the lasagna, but it would have been better fifteen minutes ago," Sirius commented more to himself than to me as he stepped from the shadows into the circle of candlelight which surrounded the small square table. A circle of light that instead of giving vision to what lies beyond seemed to exist only to wrap us within its protective glow, banishing any earthly thing which sought to intrude upon our space and time.

"I'm sure it will be fine Paddy," I answered automatically surprised that I was able to find my voice at all, so entranced was I by the sight which met my eyes.

As Sirius stood beside the table pouring wine the candlelight shone against his red silk shirt bathing him in a golden orange glow so that he appeared to be dressed in flames. Truly a phoenix the raven- haired wizard was, reborn of the horror of Azkaban to begin life anew.

"Remus...Remus...RE!"

"Oh, sorry Siri," I apologized, having no idea how long it had taken the now seated wizard to draw me from my thoughts, "what did you ask me?"

"I asked why you didn't use a repelling charm when you where in the lake." My smiling friend repeated, bringing the wine glass slowly to his slightly parted lips.

"The uh...the lake um...the lake inhabitants don't place much trust in those who are reluctant to get wet," I finally managed to answer, after closing my eyes against the image of Sirius's soft pink tongue snaking slowly out to capture the lingering wine which clung to full red lips.

"Oh, I suppose that makes sense," my momentarily contemplative friend concurred.

"Wait a minute," I thought aloud, realizing what my friend had just asked, "how did you know I was in the lake?"

"Oh, well uh, I...I saw the book you left open on the chair, and a few of the notes you made in the margin of that ugly muggle calendar thing you keep in the middle of your desk," Sirius stammered, recovering quickly yet rather unconvincingly.

"Riiiiight! Siri, there's something I'd like to ask you...about Azkaban, if that's alright," I questioned softly, keeping my eyes focused on the creamy concoction of baked vegetables, cheese, noodles, and white sauce, that until now had gone untouched.

"You can ask me anything Moony." Sirius assured in a deceptively smooth voice, although his suddenly quickened breath betrayed his outwardly calm appearance.

"Why is it that you can remember everything about me Paddy," I blurted out, pleading amber eyes meeting stunned sapphire. "Were you able to hide certain memories away...able to keep them safe." I abruptly finished; embarrassed for the desperation I allowed to show within my eyes and voice.

For a fleeting eternity Sirius silently stared into the tiny golden flame that sat upon the top of a black charred wick of a cherry scented candle. The longer he stared the more fearful I became that I had overstepped my bounds. I had risked the same fate when I presented him with the journal and the words the held it safe, but this time it appeared I had gone too far in my probing of his past. Then at last the still haunted fugitive began to speak, never taking his eyes from the images he alone saw within the flickering flame.

"There is no way to hide your memories from those monsters Re." Siri spoke, slowly bringing his elbow to the table then rhythmically running his finger back and forth through the center of the flame. "Your body tries to heal its self during sleep you know, and that includes your heart and soul. Memories are healing to most people and in sleep is when they are most susceptible to the will of the dementors. If they sensed a memory they couldn't contort or control they simply hid it from me. For twelve long years I had no good memories of you Remus. They wouldn't **let** me find them, instead they drew the horrible images of Snape and the willow or Pete whispering words of dark creatures, close around my heart. I didn't have to try and hide the good times of my life, because it was as if they never existed. Not until I was away from their control for several months was I able to dream, and in dreaming I was able to lure the beauty of my past out into the sunlight once again. One of the worst memories I had was the look on your face when I floo'd to Pete's that night to check on him and pick up my bike. I had asked you to wait for me. I told you I'd be right back...." The choked voice of my trembling friend broke off.

"I'm sorry Sirius, I shouldn't have asked," I stammered clumsily reaching to take his hand that teased across the candle's flame. To my surprise he did not allow this action, but instead twisted our palms so they pressed flat, one against the other until at last he shifted his fingers slightly to the right and dropped them down to intertwine within my own.

Slowly he stood without another word and led me to the living room, never breaking the bond of our clasped hands.

When we arrived in front of the fireplace my obviously nervous friend dropped my hand and turned to face me, reaching hesitantly out to place his broad hands on my narrow hips; his eyes slowly closing in response to my questioning gaze.

Allowing me time to answer my own unasked question Sirius remained rooted in place for several long moments, his hands still lying gently on my hips, his lush ebony lashes fanned across pale cheeks concealing down cast eyes. Finally the desire to return the simple intimate touch became too much to bear and I lightly laid my forearms atop my friends, my long slender fingers curling gently around the bend of elbow and bicep.

His determination renewed with my returned embrace, Siri opened his swirling sapphire spheres to meet my own golden orbs. Then ever so slowly my raven -haired tempter allowed his hips to begin swaying softly back and forth, causing the wolf to howl with desire inside his human cage.

"What are you doing Siri," I whispered, not wanting him to stop but needing to make very clear that this was not a night for my long imprisoned friend to reacquaint himself with the pleasures of casual touch.

"Well, I know I've been out of civilized society for a long time Re but as I recall they used to refer to this as dancing," my slightly taller companion smiled, meeting my gaze full on. "It might be a bit easier to recognize if you were moving too you know.

"Siri," I ventured kindly not wanting to hurt my friends feelings. "There's no music and even if there were, since when did you ever want to dance with me?" I questioned aloud this time, trying desperately to remind myself that there was no possibility my friend desired the same type of physical closeness that I did.

"Of course there is Professor," Sirius assured me in the same voice I had reserved for Heromine when she was in a particularly skeptical mood, "you just have to listen for it. It's in the rhythm of the firelight and the backbeat of the rain on the windows. I'll bet you didn't even notice it was raining did you Re?" Sirius smiled, "Too busy analyzing all my possible motives for being here tonight, for holding you like this."

Suddenly the slow hypnotic motion of Sirius leather clad hips stopped, but he kept his hands firmly in place as his voice and eyes spoke of the horrors of Azkaban once again.

"Re, for twelve long years I never heard music," my again reflective friend confided, "so I learned to listen for it in my soul. Not imagining the sound, because the dementors could use that against me ... but simply hearing it...knowing it was there. Just like your voice, I didn't dare remember it...I simply heard it." Sirius finished his confession in a lowered voice, his hips resuming their movement as his fingers fanned wider, holding more possessively to my waist and back.

Then without thinking or questioning my actions I began to move as well. And while our bodies were still separated by the length of our forearms, they were both extending the same sensual invitation of perfect synchronization.

"Siri what were you going to ask me that night... all those years ago?" I whispered, my voice far too breathy and deep to consider speaking in a normal tone. "Or does it really matter any more?"

"It matters more than anything Re," Sirius responded immediately, his eyes now set in a determined stare. "It's just different...it can't be asked in the same way...but it's still...I still..."

"Sirius if it's still important just tell me what it was and then we'll deal with the way it might have changed." I encouraged, hoping that just maybe this tension that flowed between us was due to emotions that had been far too long repressed. Perhaps emotions that could lead Sirius to feel the same way for me as I did for him.

"Re, I wanted," Sirius began with a rush looking me straight in the eyes but quickly lost confidence and dropped his gazed to our layered arms that still guided gently swaying hips. "I wanted...I wanted to ask you to move in with me," Sirius finally announced, his ending words leaving his bite worried lips in barely a ghost of a whisper.

Trying my best not to laugh outright, I ducked my face and shoulders so that I could look up into the taller wizards downwardly averted eyes.

"Paaaaaddy," I teased the comfortable nickname in a sing-song voice trying to calm my obviously terrified friend, "what do mean you wanted me to move in with you? We already shared a flat."

Reluctantly returning my gaze Sirius continued on, apparently hurt and angry that I didn't understand his deeper meaning.

"Re I wanted you to share more than just the **flat** with me," Sirius implored, begging me with his voice and eyes to understand the importance of his misinterpreted question. "I wanted you to share my **life** ," he explained, then dropped his voice even lower to finish what he thought was an ungrantable request, "I wanted you to share my bed."

Immediately my swaying frame ceased its motion as the implication of my friend's statement hit me with the same force of elation has if I'd been cured of my curse. No...no this was even better.

But the only thing my mortified friend realized was that I had stopped moving and gone ghostly pale.

"Re... oh god Re, you're upset that I think of you like that aren't you," Sirius stammered unshed tears pooling in his storm tossed eyes, "that I want to hold you like this."

"A little," I confessed cryptically, although he didn't catch my own mysterious meaning.

"Because I'm a man," Sirius stated flatly, his defeated tone tearing at my heart as he loosened his hold on my narrow waist and moved to back away.

"Because I'd rather you held me like this." I corrected, sliding long teasing fingers up the length of his biceps and across his broad muscular shoulders until at last my hands met behind his neck and I finally allowed myself to press against the warm welcoming body I'd been denied the pleasure of for far to too many years.

Then, granting the wolf a small amount of pleasure I lowered my head to rest on the now trembling wizard's shoulder and nuzzled gently against his soft warm neck.

This was all the encouragement it took for my long time friend to release the flow of words he'd kept buried deep inside.

"Oh God Remy, I know I don't deserve you but **please** just give me a chance...just a chance. I love you so much. I swear I'll make you happy and keep you safe...anything, I'll do anything at all. Please Re, please just give me a chance. If it doesn't feel right I'll leave, I promise...I just want to be with you...I just want to make you happy."

Sirius's raw, pleading words tumbled from soft full lips that barely brushed the side of my face as his nose teasingly caressed along the shell of my ear, drawing the still nuzzling, scenting wolf further and further to the front of his cage.

"It's not that easy Siri," I gasped, pulling back to face my heart's desire eye to eye.

"I know Re...I know." Sirius mumbled believing he was being rejected, but still managed to keep from averting his gaze. "Moony will never be truly happy with out his desired mate, but please Re, don't turn me away because of the wolf. I might not be who he wants, but I can still offer him a pack-mate, and I'll always be there for him. I know I'm not everything he needs but I'll be everything I can to you, and although I love both Re, **you're** the one whose happiness matters more than anything to me. I just want to be with you Re." Sirius finished softly, moving to enclose both my hands within the protection of his own as his head bowed in anticipation of my decision.

"Siri, look at me." I began softly, leaning in to run my nose under his chin in a decidedly canine fashion, forcing his face up to meet the glowing golden eyes of a man who, although he didn't know it, was about to offer him his soul. "Paddy you are everything **we** have ever wanted, everything we will ever need..."

"Remus are you telling me that **I'm** Moony' s chosen mate...I...I'm the one, the one he whimpers and cries for?" Sirius stammered in disbelief while almost crushing my still captive hands within his own.

"Siri, it's always been you," I choked as the tears that had pooled in the corners of my eyes now traced their way down slightly stubbled cheeks "as long as I can remember." I admitted, desperately trying to keep my voice from leaving me completely as Moony stared into the eyes of the big black dog that smiled out at him from human form.

After staring at me in disbelief for several long moments, Sirius's face finally broke into a grin that I was afraid would split him in two. He then dropped my hands and pulled me to him in the most wonderfully tight embrace I had ever experienced.

"This isn't a dream...oh God this is real...you're real, they can't take you away from me, not this time, " the once again babbling animagus repeated over and over into the very tender flesh below my ear, as his broad loving hands memorized every centimeter of my back and shoulders, pulling me closer and closer to him as my own grateful arms looped gently around his neck and restless fingers knotted in raven hair.

Content for the moment to simply nuzzle the flesh he knew would be his to claim, the wolf allowed me time to enjoy my mates ardent embrace as the reality of what I now believed would happen slowly turned long smoldering embers into an fiery inferno of passion that even my human heart would refuse to contain much longer.

Slowly Sirius pulled from our embrace, the desire and love that radiated into the very air surrounding him, darkened his eyes to deepest midnight blue. Eyes that pushed the boundaries of my self - control in ways I had never before been tested.

"This **is** forever... isn't it Re?"

It wasn't a question born of uncertainty, but a plea bathed in passion and promise that flowed in a strong sure voice from a wizard whose power and prowess was quickly showing in far more magical ways than I would ever have dreamed possible.

"It is for Moony...and for me." I answered truthfully, knowing that even if Sirius walked away this very moment I would never be with another as long as I lived.

"For us," Sirius whispered softly... adamantly, as he reached up with gentle teasing fingers to trace along my jaw, "for **us**."

No longer attempting to control the wolf's reaction to his chosen mate's caress I nuzzled unashamed against the feather light touch of fingers that now slid into my hair, cradling my neck and head as Siri's warm moist lips finally pressed soft and sweet against my own.

But all too soon the electrifying presence of his mouth was gone, as Sirius pulled from the kiss to look deep with in my slowly opening eyes. Whatever he was seeking was quickly found and his mouth instantly reclaimed its prize. Pressing and pulling barely away, over and over his honeyed mouth worked desperately against my pulsing parting lips until at last I felt the welcoming brush of his gently probing tongue touching timidly against my own. Yet, timid only for a moment, before twisting teasing exploration began in earnest. Then not a trace of tender tissue remained untouched as dancing ribbons of velvet muscle met and meshed in an impromptu dance that moved from swirling and sucking to languidly lapping. Long, low moans of desire reverberated within our melded mouths and spoke volumes to each other's hearts, all while Sirius's warm welcome hands slid slowly down my back kneading and circling until they came to an abrupt stop at the waistband of my jeans.

Sensing his trepidation I slowed the movement of my mouth until at last our lips parted with a softly wet smack. I then pulled back far enough to meet the questioning lapis lights of his soul and answered their request by running one reassuring hand smoothly down the length of his spine and past his waist. Never breaking my determined stare, I traced all the way down to his tail- bone before my long tapered fingers and narrow palms moved lightly across soft leather to firmly cup his arse, squeezing gently as I pressed my eager hips tightly to his own.

Eyes widening like saucers then heavily falling closed, Sirius tipped his face to the ceiling and released a long low growl of pleasure as our cloth confined erections met for the first time. Safely reassured that his actions were welcome Sirius's own large hands found their way to the taut mounds of muscle my jeans concealed. But instead of being content with the feeling of fabric under his fingers my impetuous friend plunged his paw between fabric and flesh, purring with delight when he found no further garments where present to impede the progress of his exploration.

Following the wolf's will I returned my mouth to the salty sweet skin of the now earnestly exploring wizard's neck. Still stroking my soon to be lover's leather clad arse I blissfully moaned against the flesh I was tenderly nipping and instinctively moved my legs father apart when Siri's fingers traced the trail between fleshy mounds and stroked lightly at the entrance to a far softer, warmer chasm.

Immediately upon hearing the moan his touch had beckoned from my lips, the suddenly nervous animangus withdrew his hand from it's newly discovered territory and placed more than several centimeters of space between us.

"I'm sorry Re," my blushing friend stammered as he reluctantly met my bemused stare. "I...I just...you feel so... oh God I'm sorry."

"Shhhh." I soothed, gently bringing my fingers up to tuck a stray strand of ebony hair behind his ear then slowly allowed my fingers to follow the length of the strand all the way to its end, just below the broad shoulder on which I placed my hand. "This is a day of mating Siri not simply cuddling, if you're uncomfortable with this..."

"Re, I'm not uncomfortable." Sirius interrupted, leaning in to place a gentle kiss to my forehead and then my nose. "Honestly I was just surprised by **how** comfortable I am," he admitted, blushing once again. "It just feels so right to touch you Re...no, it feels perfect to touch you. I was just surprised to hear you...I mean, the thought that me touching you makes you...it just surprised me is all." The beguiling wizard paused but then continued as a sheepish grin, that teased the wolf mercilessly, pulled at the corners of his mouth, "Can we go back to what we were doing before I panicked... please?"

For a moment I stood awestruck by the words that had just fallen from the lips of a man whose happiness and pleasure meant everything to me. Admittedly I had had few partners with which I had shared intimacy but with each of them it had always been my desire to make certain I compensated with my body for that which I didn't feel in my heart. **Their** physical pleasure was always my only concern, but never had I been given the same attention in return. And now, this incredible creature standing before me not only spoke words of mating and forever, and love but also seemed to relish in the idea of pleasing me. With the dawning of this new revelation, suddenly the wolf and I agreed that claiming had just taken on a new meaning...a meaning we were very anxious to share.

"Yes, Siri, I'd very much like to continue on from where we were," I encouraged the still blushing, yet lusty- eyed man who stood before me, holding not only my hands but my heart as well," however, might I recommend we move upstairs." I suggested quietly finding that I was not above blushing after all.

In response to my idea of relocating to another region of the house I simply received a blatant bodily review from barefoot toes to tawny tendrils by a pair of hungry dilated eyes.

"Come here," Sirius's breathy voice beckoned needlessly as he dropped my hands and pulled me tightly against him. One long forearm supported my upper back, the large hand on the end of which easily palmed my nape as his fingers tangled upward into my tangled honey tresses, while his desperately moving mouth almost violently claimed my own manipulating lips. The other hand of my seducer once again found the small of my back, and with strong thick digits splayed wide apart slid slightly down to press foreword and up tilting my pulsing pelvis tight against his own.

Striving to steady myself against the hurricane of heat that had swept me within its waves I clutched to raven hair and leather clad arse like a lifeline, as Sirius moved us firmly against the sofa, pressing me down atop its narrow back, his fully hardened cock trapped tightly to my own.

The husky hurried voice that rushed from Siri's abruptly absent lips and across the tender shell of my ear aroused me further, as we fell onto the large soft bed that had been revealed by phrase 'finite incantium'

Speaking words between nibbles of a tender earlobe I managed to ask why he'd transfigured my sofa into a bed then concealed it yet again as a sofa.

"Seemed like a safe plan at the time," the Animagus argued semi- logically as he left a trail sloppy canine kisses along the length of my jaw.

"Pretty sure of yourself weren't you," I teased laying my head to the side to allow the trail of my mates moist lips to trace the column of my long pale throat.

"No." He answered honestly laying his head gently beside my own, safely nuzzling behind my ear then boldly pulling back to run warm wandering hands under the hem of green wool. Happily complying with his unspoken desire I stretched my arms toward the headboard allowing the garment to be to be easily stripped from my lithely muscled torso. "If I'd been so sure of my self you never would have put that damn sweater on and dinner would have gone completely untouched, because I'd have joined you in the shower instead of practicing my transfigurations skills." My broad shouldered suitor recounted as he once again brought his warm protective body flat against my own.

"You'd have been welcome in the shower; tonight as well as fourteen years ago" I admitted, running my own teasing hand down the side seam of his silky shirt until my seeking fingers slipped inside the waistband of the tight leather trousers, spurring Sirius to again claim my mouth in a torrid tangle of tongues, lips and teeth while thrusting frantically against my own rolling, rising hips.

Pulling from the breath stealing barrage of stimuli Sirius slowed his gyrations to a deep rhythmic grid that brought me nearly to the edge and held me tantalizingly close to climax as he propped himself on bony elbows and leaned his forehead lightly against my own sweat sheend brow, then to my great surprise began apologizing in a low pleading ramble.

"I'm sorry Re, oh God I'm so sorry," He stammered stroking large callused thumb pads gently across my temples. "This is supposed to be a romantic mating ritual and here I am pouncing on you like a pubescent little party-boy."

"God, Siri it's alright," I gasped still breathless from the impassioned kiss that only moments ago ceased to control the workings of my heart and mind. "I feel the same way," I soothed than cupped his face between my palms and pressed him gently back so our eyes met without any distortion of features, needing to make certain he understood my desires completely. "I need you Paddy. I want you...now." I all but demanded, raising my fabric constrained cock sharply against his own.

"Then take me...anyway you want," he offered without hesitation or thought to his own needs and desires.

"What if I want to take you so deep inside me your balls are in my arse," I questioned seductively, almost purring the words as his body trembled atop of mine at the obviously unexpected invitation.

"Don't tease me Re," the stammering wizard whispered through a cascade of shimmering blue black hair that veiled his eyes from my view. "Although I'd love nothing better than to pound your gorgeous virgin tight arse into the mattress for the next several hours, we both know this is the wolf's night...and he needs to claim his mate." Sirius finished finally raising his tear flooded eyes to meet my gleaming amber orbs.

"Leave that concern to me Siri. I know what the wolf demands and what he needs to truly make you our mate, and he'll have you...have you quaking in our arms when I sink my teeth into the soft unmarred flesh of your neck and shoulder." I promised, a low warning tone of the nights impending events laying heavy in my honeyed voice. Then I stared in amazement at the look of complete and utter trust that bathed my boyhood friend's features as the thought of offering his neck to the jaws of a monster worked as a balm upon his tormented mind and soothed his soul.

Slowly I pulled his face down to meet my own, whispering as I brought my teeth closer to tug on the tender lobe of his ear. "Make love to me Siri, please...make love to me...to Moony, we want you so badly."

"I don't want to hurt you love," the formerly eager wizard muttered softly against my cheek, the easily spoken endearment lost on neither of us.

"You weren't too worried about pain when you thought it was your lovely backside that was going to be pleasured in ways you've never known." I reminded him in only a semi teasing tone as I proceeded to gently knead the leather- covered flesh of his before mentioned bum.

"I don't want to hurt you." Sirius reiterated, pushing back up on his elbows and tracing a finger pad lightly across my lips.

To his surprise I drew the teasing digit deftly into my mouth, sucking sensuously on it with a swirling tongue until saliva sparkled on his skin in the firelight when I finally released him into the flame warmed air with a loud wet smack.

"Then I'd suggest you do a very good job of making certain I'm ready for you." I purred, realizing all the while that my action was basically useless considering we were both still clothed, but if it helped to reassure him of the depth of my resolve when it came to this desire I'd happily repeat it as many times as necessary.

This I found out very quickly though would not be the case as my mates doe-eyed look of worry had now been replaced by a defiant stare I'd not seen in sixteen years. His patented 'double-dog dare ya' look of determination. A look I gladly met as I removed my fingers from their resting place in the waist band of his trousers and placed my palms flat against the now curious canine's chest, pressing him to a sitting position, comfortably straddled across my cotton clad hips.

Reaching across the bed I grabbed two pillows to wedge under my head and shoulders, smiling inwardly at the thought of one of them eventually resting underneath my narrow hips; insuring just the right angle for my lover's entry. But my thoughts quickly returned to the beautiful face before me. A face whose eyes had grown heavy with lust as my cool caressing fingers worked the rich red silk of his shirt slowly from the leather waistband whose snap I'd just undone with my teeth.

"Remy!" the impatient man above me pleaded softly for nothing and everything at once, while my desperately seeking fingers luxuriated in the dual sensation of silk and skin as my hands snaked their way up the broad expanse of his chest, pausing only when my finger pads pressed against prominent buds that begged to be twisted and teased.

Longing to see more of him, I withdrew my hands from beneath the voluminous garment and began unbuttoning the far too many small round obstacles that fastened the front of my soon to be lover's shirt. Loosing my patience after three, I grabbed the center of the fabric and ripped the two sides apart, revealing the hard pale chest I'd not seen in fourteen long years, and never had I been able to touch and taste the way I could now... right now, I decided and reached to grasp firmly to his shoulders, pulling Sirius toward me till the taut tempting buds teased just atop my lips.

Wanting contact as much as I, Sirius pressed his chest to my mouth as he supported his weight on lightly muscled forearms, his massaging hands buried between my back and the smooth cool sheets whose forest green color served only to enhance my eyes and hair.

I was only vaguely aware of Sirius kissing the top of my head as I sucked a pale brown bud within my mouth, but the tempo of his hard straining cock thrusting against my own, set the speed to which my tongue flicked and swirled the flesh my mouth sought to please.

"Oh God, Re, no fair," Sirius gasped, a poorly masked grimace of pain contorting his features as he pulled the nearly numb nipple away from my moon-time sharpened teeth, putting the distance of straightened arms between us. "You asked me to make love to you Moony and here you have me ready to come when we haven't even met flesh to flesh," my flush faced mate warned as he shrugged completely free of the now nearly button-less shirt and straightened him self back to a sitting position that still made excellent use of his straddled seat across my groin.

Fueled by the burning desire to see the flesh of which he spoke I reached out with trembling fingers to draw down the zipper that concealed the gorgeous dripping cock I'd always forced my self to turn from viewing in shower and bath.

"Oh God" stammered in unison, betrayed our inner thoughts as we each gazed upon the beauty of full throbbing erections we'd both longed to see; for as my own hands had been busy at Siri's zip, my mates nimble fingers had been reaching to unveil my own hard weeping flesh whose satin skin stretched further than Sirius had dared to dream.

I didn't even remember rounding my shoulders up from the goose down pillow, ducking my head to gently tease the tiny glistening slit at the tip of Siri's cock or dabbing my tongue through the opaline drop of precum that rested upon it. I don't believe I truly controlled the pressure of my swirling, lapping tongue or the deep hollowing of my cheeks as I suckled desperately on the thick throbbing cock I held tight with in the heated cavern of my mouth.

I only vaguely remembered Siri's strong hands on my back, supporting me; allowing me to remain in the awkward position I had assumed. But when the garbled profane pleas of 'Oh, God! Fuck yes baby, now...yes! Oh God Re...can't stop...Oh God!' echoed in my ears and the salty hot bursts of his seed pooled in the hollows of my cheeks as I fought to swallow all of the precious gift, I began to come slowly back to myself and the realization that I had finally lost control completely to the desires of the beast. Even with this frightening truth shattering my mind I could do nothing more than gently lap at the soft sticky flesh until at last I released him from my mouth with a final tender kiss to the smooth curving head.

Oblivious to the small drizzle of creamy liquid that had escaped my mouth and trickled slowly toward my chin, I growled softly, as I peered up at my mate through tawny fringe, animal eyes glowing with lust and love.

"Mine"

"Yes, yours...only yours," Siri smiled, looking down at me with a soft sated glow. Then he brought one finger up to wipe away the salty residue from my face and swiftly licked the digit clean, moaning at the taste.

Suddenly mortified by my actions and my current appearance that was nothing less than that of a wild animal; I dropped my chin to my chest refusing to meet the sparkling sapphire orbs of a man who still, somehow, managed to love me.

"Re, look at me." Sirius spoke softly but firmly raising my chin with one determined finger. "Don't you dare be ashamed of what you and Moony just did...and enjoyed. Sometimes the greatest pleasure is given while taking what you need," my mate reassured me acknowledging and soothing both my fears with one loving glance. "But right now I have every intention of taking you, my own greatest pleasure, exactly as you asked me to. And fortunately, thanks to your wonderful favor," the ebony haired Adonis leaned in to whisper with wet lips against my ear, "I won't have to be nearly as hasty making sure you're well prepared to let me slip inside your beautiful backside," he finished with a flick to my earlobe then pushed me gently back against the cool waiting pillows.

Thanking all the deities I had ever lifted a prayer to, I watched in awe as Sirius moved from the bed and stood with his back to the fire. The flames framed his features like an amber angel as he ever so slowly pushed the fabric down his hips and pulled the black leather casing from his long lean legs.

Moving to the end of the bed Sirius stood before me for a moment, then in a flash he'd grabbed my jeans by the hems and striped them swiftly from my body, leaving me open to an unreadable pair of narrowing eyes. I tried to meet his stare until my insecurities again took hold and I dropped my gaze to the side, looking at anything that didn't have the ability to judge my scarred flesh or sentence me to a life of loneliness.

"My God you're beautiful," the gorgeous wizard, from whose scrutiny I'd turned my face in shame, whimpered as he slowly crawled from the foot of the bed to once again straddle my now scar streaked naked hips, "so fucking beautiful."

Ready to refute his blatantly bullshit- bathed remark, I jerked my head quickly forward to face a mate from whom I refused to accept false flattery. But the cutting words I'd intended to impart, faded to phantom whispers as I gazed upon the tear stained face of a man who saw not the scars inflicted by the monster within my soul, but the soul of a man whose heart was unmarred except by the betrayal of a mate he'd never claimed. Sirius was able to see me within the wolf, but refused to acknowledge evil of the wolf within me. To him we were and always would be pure of heart, and yes...beautiful.

No longer able to deny ourselves the physical contact we'd both craved for far to many months and years, Siri slowly lowered his broad warm chest to cover my muscular, though more slender torso, finally grinding already tingling groins together as his long legs stretched back to lay atop my own lithe limbs. Gasping at the fiery friction created by already bucking hips, we again fastened lips and limbs as arms circled, and desperate fingers found silky long strands to tangle tight within. Moans of inarticulatable pleasure were devoured by melded mouths and slowly lapping tongues that paused only to steal a breath as lips were softly suckled and tenderly tugged upon.

Sliding my right leg out from under the weight of my mates left, I bent my knee to trail one teasing toe down the length of a surprisingly soft calf until my ankle lay to the inside of our now entwined limbs. Realizing the pressure of our firm flat bellies against already pulsing cocks was drawing me nearer and nearer to a climax I could not prolong I pulled my mouth from the kiss swollen lips of the wizard above me and almost violently grabbed the fingers I'd laved so gently what seemed like hours before.

To my horror Sirius deftly twisted his fingers from my grasp and instead tangled them with my hair, silencing my objection with a light brush of his lips to my nose.

"Remus, I've wanted this night for as long as I can remember, and ever since the first time we were reunited for the moons I've lain by your side each month until moments before you've awakened. I know it wasn't right to be so close to you with out your knowledge but I never dreamed you'd want me like this," the downcast-eyed Animagus admitted in-between kisses to my nose, lips and chin. "Please Re, let me live my fantasy, let me make love to you like you deserve to be made love to." Sirius begged as my eyes filled with tears at the sound of his impassioned words. "Inappreciative fingers don't deserve the honor you'd give them, and if you think after eighteen years of waiting I'll deny my mouth the pleasure of your flesh for a moment longer than necessary you are vastly mistaken," my mate finished with no trace of embarrassment concealing his obvious desire.

"Not a moment longer than necessary," I parroted in reply, not trusting myself to answer his eloquent and very intimate request.

"Are you willing to surrender one of these," my playful partner teased softly, already pulling a pillow from under my head.

"Only because I know it'll be better served else where," I found myself bantering back, as I raised my hips to allow said objects relocation by the slightly shaking hands of a man who had gently nudged my knees apart and now knelt between my wantonly wide spread legs.

Leaning forward with his hands braced on either side of my chest Sirius placed a feather light kiss to each of my nervously fluttering eye-lids as I moaned softly at the feel of silky sac bumping gently against silky sac and hard weeping length caressing hard weeping length.

"I love you," came the whispered reassurance of an equally aroused lover who began softly trailing his pale swollen lips down my jaw and throat, only momentarily stopping to lave the scar whose puckers and color had not faded from the night I was bitten over thirty years before. And for the first time I held no resentment for papa wolf. Knowing that if I changed the events of my life the chances that Sirius would be laying with me now would be very slim and the love of the man nibbling gently on my quickly numbing nipple was worth any pain or suffering my curse had ever caused me.

Ignoring the scars his heart did not allow him to see, the mouth of my steadily retreating Romeo moved its wet warm way down the line of barely graying hair that circled my navel then grew more dense as it lead to the thick curling cloud of tawny fur framing my proudly pulsing erection.

Sparing but one quick kiss to the softly weeping slit Sirius chanced a glance up to see if I was watching him. Of course I was, but the sight of his lips now glistening with the juice of my own flesh forced my lids to lower as my mind moved to thoughts of Snape and naked house-elves in a valiant attempt to not explode before my mate even reached his desired destination.

Running both hands firmly up the soft skin of my inner thighs Siri grinned as my eyes again flew open, all thoughts of anything other than the pleasure his perfectly pressing thumb pads sensually circling at the base of my cock and under my balls having instantly vanished, possibly never to return.

Resting his chin on the pillow my gently pulsing hips and arse happily shared the now supine wizard whispered one last request, knowing that the thick warm seed within me would soon help ease his way inside the tight tender channel his own twitching cock sought desperately to fill.

"Don't hold back."

In an instant, gently pressing thumbs were replaced by short quick flicks of his moist rolled tongue whose strange sensation I instinctively pressed against, welcoming the agile assailant to work its way within me. Pressing then pulling away the strong velvet ribbon of muscle pushed further and further down the narrow ravine it sought to stretch by unfurling to full then sweeping from side to side, twirling and twisting until at last it reached the open space in which resided the tiny nub it sought.

At the first mind melting contact of his tongue to sensitive gland I relinquished all inhibitions I'd foolishly fought to retain.

Thrusting mindlessly against his masterfully moving mouth I cried out as one hand balled wrinkled sheets that lupine sharpened nails had already begun to twist and tear, while the other reached to pump the painfully full flesh of my quivering cock. But my mate had different plans and the intrusive fingers where batted away with non-too gentle force. So instead I plunged the desperate digits into the thick tangles of ebony silk barely peaking above the sweat sheend thatch of springy curls that sparkled in the flickering firelight.

"Oh, God Siri, now please...pleeease," I moaned pounding my heal into the mattress in time with my feverishly bucking hips whose tempo only increased as Siri placed one strong hand around my steal hard shaft while the thick fingers of the other gently cradled my balls. Then, working in unison the lovely duel embrace of heated flesh began to stroke and tighten until at last my plea for release was answered and I cried out with a low hungry howl as the gasping Animagus pulled from the surrounds of my warm wet flesh and watched with sheer satisfaction as the hot creamy evidence of my pleasure rushed in pulsing waves up the contours of my well defined abdomen, never moving to capture even the slightest drop to savor as I had his. Only when I raised my eyes to meet the silver slivers circling fully dilated orbs did he creep forward to slowly lap the warm sticky residue of release into his already watering mouth. It appeared that Padfoot was savoring the seed of the wolf as well; and even if Dumbledore had appeared before me I don't believe I could have torn my eyes from the arousingly decadent sight.

But my visual treat was only to last but a few moments before Siri crawled the remaining length of my chest and whispered softly, just above my lips, the smell of the lingering liquid assaulting my senses as he spoke.

"Are you ready love," he moaned, swirling his hard pulsing length tightly against my seed splattered belly, the still warm wetness lubricating him perfectly.

"Since I was sixteen," I answered honestly, not really concerned at all about preparation or pain, but only about the long awaited jubilation of joining with my one true mate.

Sirius merely licked his lips in reply before dipping his mouth to press tenderly to my own, sharing the bittersweet flavor of my own release.

Had I not felt the same stirrings of apprehension in my heart and stomach, for what I knew was about to happen, I'd have been tempted to chuckle at the look of nervous reverence that graced Siri's handsome face when he pulled from the gentle joining of lips and tongues.

"Paddy, please, I need you...we need you" I begged cupping his face with long trembling fingers and starring deep into the tumultuous tempest that raged within his eyes and soul, desperately trying to reassure him of my love no matter what darkness still played upon his heart. Then slowly I drew my legs up to wrap gently around his waist, placing the gathered gate of flesh at a perfect angle for his seed slicked cock to finally press within; bringing us one step closer to an act that would forever bind us... heart, body, mind and soul.

Braced on trembling forearms, Siri's large padded paws cradled my head as he stroked slow moving thumbs gently across my tear- streaked cheekbones. Concern, desire and love swirled simultaneously in the brilliant blue eyes above me as my long awaited mate pulled slightly back, then moved slowly foreword until the moist, curving head of his straining cock pressed gently against me.

Sensing his hesitation, I pulled Sirius's head down, silken ebony skeins surrounding us like a veil as I began teasing one small sensitive ear, gently tugging and nipping between softly whispered pleas for the thing I craved with all my heart.

"Make love to me Siri...Please make love to me Paddy. You mean everything to us...to me, to Moony. You won't hurt me Siri. Please, let us finally claim our mate." I pleaded as I moved my lips along the line of his freshly shaven jaw, then nuzzled deeply in the hollow of his neck and shoulder. Wet gentle love bites reminding him of the pledge I'd waited eighteen years to make.

"Oh, god Re yes, take me inside you, claim me," came the low growling response as Siri pulled his face back to meet my eyes, tightly reined feral ferocity sending tremors through his legs, back and arms.

Deeply touched by his unspoken request, I simply nodded, then lowered my long crossed calves to press down on his sweaty shaking hips, gently urging the softly seeking head foreword as I slowly drew him within me, inch by glorious inch; while the tear-filled eyes of my protective mate searched my face for any sign of the shooting pain I expertly concealed.

"Okay Re?" Siri asked as he watched a mask of practiced calm give way to the flood of unimaginable ecstasy that quickly bathed my fire-lit features.

"Perfect," I gasped, meeting my mate's lusty stare as my mind spun wildly out of control with the realization that this was Sirius buried deep within me, filling me, taking me as I would never allow myself to be taken by any other living soul, "oh God, perfect."

"You feel too good love." Siri moaned into my hair, desire conquering fear as he drew slowly out then pressed his hard throbbing length quickly into the tight velvet embrace of my welcoming body. Finding a rhythm he'd practiced only in his dreams, my long awaited mate's proficiency mattered not at all, not when his passion for me and the wolf who sought to claim him, poured freely from his eyes and lips; as over and over the slick silken shaft pounded deep within me.

"Been too long...can't wait...can't last...oh god fly with me Re," my panting, groaning mate pleaded as he fucked me hard and fast.

"Oh gods Paddy yes, take me with you...fuck me love. Harder oh god harder," I begged, and the sweating grunting wizard above me eagerly complied. Bracing one hand on my shoulder as the other pumped my own painfully full erection in time with his damp driving hips, Siri threw his head back and growled as his quickly building climax drew steadily closer.

Instinctively I wrapped my arms around his sweat slicked back, pulling him to me; his hands moving to weave tightly in my tangled tawny mane as I sank my teeth into the warm wet flesh of his waiting neck, moaning at the tangy copper taste that danced across my languidly lapping tongue.

Howling with elation at the erotic mix of pleasure and pain Siri drove deep within me one last time, spilling his seed in heavy pulsing streams as tightly clenching muscles, which spoke of my own exquisite release, blissfully milked his quivering cock.

Moments later as my tongue gently laved the tender mark of our precious new union, Siri lay heavy across my heaving chest, gasping, flushed and sated from the shear force of his explosive release; looking every bit a mate who had been well and truly claimed.

As breathing returned to normal, we rolled gently on our sides to lie facing one another, eyes locked in an intimate embrace of souls as our long, lush, moist limbs remained intertwined, arms circling backs, and legs tangled as one.

Tucking a stray strand of graying hair gently behind my ear, Siri moved feather light fingers to trace along the line of my jaw until they met with pale kiss swollen lips, then slowly up my cheek to turn again and trail like softly falling rain along my eyes and nose. At last his broad callused hand tenderly cupped my jaw as a slightly scratchy thumb pad continued to brush back and forth across my cheek.

"Remy, I...I," Siri finally spoke, his voice faltering, but his eyes never wavered as he fought for words to a question I was stunned that he would ask. "Remy I've never...I mean I have...but never with a man. The look on your face when I first...first slid inside you...it was...I don't know. Oh God, you're so beautiful Re, but in that moment... I just... What was it like...what feeling can possibly give you so much pleasure and in turn calm the wolf so completely?

"I can't describe it Paddy," I answered without hesitation, knowing that what he'd given me in that first moment of joining defied all earthly description. "It wasn't **what** it was Siri, it was the fact that it was you. I'm sorry," I muttered as one silver tear wove a slow jagged line across my cheek, "I'm sorry...I just can't describe it."

"Then let me know it for myself." my raven-haired mate quietly implored, as he rolled me to straddle across his hips, determination and desire glowing in the deep indigo depths of his fathomless starlit eyes. Eyes that gazed greedily upon my freshly renewed erection, already reddened and weeping with need for the pleasure of my mates embrace, be it hand, mouth or tight tempting backside.

"I remember the first time we read a book on werewolf mating practices." Siri reflected between shallow panting breaths as I leaned comfortably back against his long bent legs. Unable to keep from touching him, my thin teasing fingers softly stroked his side and hips as my feet rested a stride his taut pale chest. "I finally realized why you always wore those damn baggy robes over your muggle clothes," He chuckled while his large warm hand circled my stretched satin length and began a slow firm rhythm to which my softly bucking hips danced in perfect counterpoint. "I wish I'd known then that I was the one causing your perpetual state of arousal," the teasing wizard grinned as he slowly ran his thumb back and forth across the small twitching slit, enticing clear glistening liquid flow freely, as nectar for the raven-haired god who'd summoned it.

Never breaking the contact of long lashed eyes, Sirius slowly reached out to grasp possessively to my slim pulsing hips and with only a small tug made his wordless request very clear.

Happy to accommodate my mate's desires I swung my feet back and gracefully rose to my knees. I crawled the length of Siri's chest, stopping when my knees nestled just below the juncture of arm and chest. Leaning forward to grab the headboard I brought the cloud of tawny curls and the proud straining erection they circled within easy reach of the practically panting animagus who lay motionless below me.

Still maintaining the connection of lust lit orbs Siri reached calmly out to wrap one gentle hand around the base of my cock. The other he placed on the small of my back, massaging the sensitive spot in large firm circles as he slowly moved his head to at last take me within the moist warm cavern of his sweet succulent mouth.

Only dual moans of pleasure dared to break the silence of the sex scented room, as Siri suckled, licked and teased the fiery flesh that slowly fucked him as he'd long desired.

Holding tightly to the headboard I could feel cool beads of sweat forming on my brow and chest as the pace of my hips accelerated in response to the sucking, swirling storm that held me fast within its fury.

Unwilling to break the bond of our devouring gaze, I watched with ever growing urgency as my thick, damp cock slid steadily in and out of my mate's moist mouth. In and out, deeper and faster I plunged, telling my self with each heated stroke I had to stop, stop and take my mate as he'd asked me to. But the pleading eyes below me and the thick seeking digit that deftly dipped to delve within me, brought me all to quickly to the edge and beyond, sending hot thick streams of salty semen pouring into my mates gratefully gulping mouth and throat.

"Oh God Siriiiii," I gasped, as the softly moaning wizard held me firmly in place with the two large hands he'd moved from their teasing positions to control my trembling hips. "Oh baby, that was...oh fuck...I'm sorry love, I'm sorry. You wanted me to give you the same pleasure I enjoyed and here you are pleasuring me again." I apologized in a rambling rush of panted words, as the talented mouth that still held me fast continued to lap at the softened flesh as if it were a priceless treasure.

"Are you going to let go of me," I teased a few minutes later, smiling down at the beautiful man whom I still could not believe had chosen to bind himself to me as an eternal partner.

"Mmmmmm" Siri replied shaking his head from side to side, causing my balls to also sway gently to and fro.

"Well, I can certainly think of worse ways to be held captive," I chuckled, carding fingers through the strands of ebony silk that fanned around my mates head like a peacocks tail. " Is this your attempt at substantiating the information we read on werewolf stamina?'" I questioned, judging by the more diligent dance my mates tongue was now performing.

A soft humming sound was again my answer. However, this time the determination tightened features bobbed up and down as already gaunt cheeks hollowed deeply with the fervent attempts of my mate's mouth to entice me into a state of readiness for yet another still un- experienced sensation.

"Well Siri, I don't believe you'll be disappointed with this particular bit of fact- finding," I continued giving my softly growling mate a slightly lecherous leer, "but I surely hope you don't intend to prove all the theories in that book." I teased, but quickly sobered when Siri's mouth briefly stopped its movement and his eyes filled tears even as he resumed his wonderful ministrations. Just as quickly I remembered the finale chapter was devoted to the illegalities of lycanthopic procreation, the most **humane** ways of killing unintended progeny, and of course the ramifications of breaking the Ministry rules; death or life in Azkaban, virtually one in the same.

I remembered reading that chapter and seeing Sirius cry for the first when I admitted to him that my parents had insisted upon my being **voluntarily** sterilized the summer after our third year. They were afraid of what I might allow to happen when the wolf decided to seek out a mate.

I had only a moment for reflecting on the poorly timed memory, before I was pulled quickly back to the wondrous workings of Siri's tongue, lips and teeth as for the first time in what seemed like a fleeting eternity, the gasping wizard whose soft moans of pleasure I mindlessly echoed, released my saliva soaked erection into the chill evening air.

Groaning at the loss of contact I moved to substitute two nervously twitching fingers in place of the heated flesh he'd just relinquished, intent on thoroughly preparing my mate in hopes of thwarting some of the pain I feared he'd feel. But my attempt was rejected as Siri gently shook his head, dropping his gaze from my eyes to the moistened length he'd just relinquished. Then strong warm hands that still lay calmly on my waist gently nudged me backwards past my original place at his hips where long lean legs had blocked my path. For now they lay open, spread wide and wanton, and I eagerly accepted the silent invitation to kneel between the lithely muscled limbs.

Treating my hands to the feel of soft warm flesh, I carefully pressed the slender thighs flat against the wrinkled sheets, allowing agile fingers and perfectly pressing thumbs to slowly tease their way into the tangle of soft ebony curls that circled my mate's hard weeping length.

A soft low growl crept from my throat as the wolf stared through amber orbs at the breath taking sight before us.

Moony had always loved Sirius, had always been aware of Padfoot's magical molecular make-up hiding within him. So for five long years he'd silently waited to see if this precocious potential partner would have the courage to concede control to the canine form within him; and when he did, the wolf knew he'd found his mate. Only then did the monster's ever-present voice whisper words of desire and claiming to my heart and soul, never realizing that they'd been there all along. Only **I** had called it love.

And now that mate...our mate, laid sprawled beneath us, hips softly thrusting against my gently messaging fingers, and in his eyes love, trust and desire spun together as one, even as he offered himself to a man most would not even consider to be human. But in those beautiful sapphire spheres a hint of sadness surfaced and pooled as a watery veil, obscuring the depths of his soul and reflecting only my own wild, wolfish image.

'Oh, God no,' I panicked, frightened by the tears that slowly trickled from my mates soulful eyes, ' Please don't let him regret this,' I prayed, knowing that even if he did Sirius would never break the promise he had only just made.

But my fears were quickly banished as Siri propped himself on narrow elbows then reached out with a slightly trembling hand to trace my jaw. Trailing his fingers down the column of alabaster skin until they paced slowly back and forth across the tender flesh which mirrored the location of the freshly bestowed mark of mating. A mark that spoke in two tongues at one time. One of love and a lifelong bond the other of the wolfish desires my mate would always be subjected to, but with his next words Sirius combined the voice of man and wolf, proving once again what Moony had never doubted...my raven-haired lover truly was 'our' soul-mate.

"I wish that I could mark you, claim you, as you have me." Sirius whispered, his voice heavy with regret for the inability to bestow, what until a moment before I had considered to be a cruel and violent gift.

"Sirius, you already have." I corrected softly, leaning in to brush my lips gently across the angry red mark my teeth had left, then pulling back to meet his uncomprehending gaze. "Yes, this bite marks you as my mate, but it's not merely a mark of claiming. Paddy think what this means to Moony and to me, it's a mark of commitment. With this bite I commit my life, my body and my very soul to you. I could never have done that if it wasn't for the mark **you** placed upon my heart over twenty years ago; a mark of friendship and love that you have never betrayed. Sirius I will never, ever doubt the mutual bond we share.

With those words all remaining barriers between us were swept away as the final act of mating, one that no text would ever speak of, bound us equally to each other. We had shared physical intimacy, and a mating bite that I alone could give. But no book would ever teach that a bond of love must exists between a werewolf and his mate, for none that write such text would ever believe that a monster such as me could ever be capable of knowing and sharing love. Sirius's desire to give equally of himself and my acceptance of that gift sealed our fate for this life and all eternity; and from his gaze I believe that Sirius also could feel the change between us.

Leaning against the headboard my sultry-eyed mate reached to catch my hands, one in each of his broad warm paws; entwining my fingers within his, then firmly squeezed my hands in indication that the bond should not be broken.

Never taking his eyes from mine Sirius slowly leaned back against the mattress, while in one fluid motion I lowered my slender chest to rest atop his own, my legs stretching out behind me as I firmly pressed our arms above his head until clasped hands came to rest at the base of the headboard, our knuckles barely grazed by the antique wooden frame.

Realizing we no longer needed sight or sound to sense the needs of the other, amber and sapphire orbs slid slowly closed as I brought my lips gently to my lover's soft supple mouth, tongues languidly lapping, as I slowly pressed within the tight velvet embrace of my mate's warm welcoming body.

Again I felt the same sense of euphoria that I had experienced as Sirius laid buried deep within me, proving that it wasn't merely the joining of flesh but whose flesh with which I was joined that brought me to this never before imagined height of physical pleasure.

Sensing Siri's elation at being taken in a way he'd never been before, I pulled gently from the deep suckling kiss, sparing only a brief glance at the beautiful passion bathed face below me whose heavily lidded eyes opened only long enough to reflect the utter joy sparkling in my own amber orbs.

Then fluttering lids slid closed and soft warm mouths melded together, as slowly stroking ribbons of velvet muscle caressed every crevice of tender flesh within the echo chamber that contained the low love drenched moans which escaped our throats but did not penetrate the seal of lush lingering lips.

Savoring every moment of pleasure our tongues, lips and teeth worked slowly against each other, pressing, nipping, sucking and swirling with a growing urgency that reverberated through our shared flesh, extending from finger- tips to teasing toes. The digits of our still clasped hands twined and untwined, thumbs found pressure points and fingers carded in and out of each others embrace as long willowy arms lay motionless against the sheets, Siri's slightly larger limbs peaking out from under the cover of my own strong slender arms. Shimmering in the firelight pale sweat slicked chests rose and fell in unison as perfectly placed darkened nubs teased the twin that dipped against it with each breath that caused their pulsing dance. And further down firm flat bellies rolled and pressed the pulsing reddened length of my mates straining erection while my own painfully hard cock was screaming for the pleasure of long hard strokes. But for now I merely rolled within my writhing mate, rubbing that tiny internal pleasure point until I could feel Sirius's thin firm thighs tense with fiercely controlled need as he drew strong demanding legs tight around my slowly moving hips.

"Reeeee?" Sirius pleaded quietly, then with one finale squeeze pulled his hands from mine, thrusting them painfully into the soft sweat dampened strands of my honey hair.

Suddenly I found myself staring into raging wild eyes, eyes that begged to claimed, begged to be fucked hard and fast, fucked by the combined presence of mate and lover, wolf and man. Body screaming what voice had merely whispered, Siri threw his head back against the pillow offering me the marred expanse of his throat that I might again open his flesh, and allow my sharp white teeth to linger in a slow sensual celebration of physical, emotion and sexual claiming.

"Yes!" I moaned, immediately sinking my teeth into the tender flesh, relishing in a shuddered cry that the erotic wolfish act drew from my mates pulsing pale throat.

"I love you Moony, oh God Remus I love you so much, so much baby. Oh fuck yes, fuck yes, now...now oh god yes now," Siri's endless flow of garbled passionate words flowed across my heart as I drove rampantly into him. Slamming deeper and deeper into the warm clenching embrace; taking my mate with a force that rocked his body like a bathtub toy in the middle of raging oceanic storm. But the ever present flow of promises and profanities reassured me that this possessive, powerful display was exactly what he desired, what he needed from a mate he truly longed to gift with his heart, body and mind.

Pulling back, I gazed through sweat-dampened skeins of tangled tawny hair at my gorgeous writhing mate as I drove deeply inside him. Then much to Siri's displeasure, I abruptly ceased the motion of my hips while I finally moved one trembling hand to wrap gently around the dripping reddened length that had been pressed tight between our flat firm bellies; knowing that only the slightest touch would send my pleading Padfoot soaring into a free flight of heart-stopping ecstasy.

Pulling nearly out I pumped two firm stokes up the full length of Siri's quivering cock then slammed in hard. The tremor of pure pleasure that racked the whimpering wizard's beautiful body reached to the very core of his soul as the warm velvet channel embraced my cock in precision intervals, just as spurting waves of my mate's hot seed swam through my fingers and soaked my belly. But the long awaited look of utter euphoria that eased away all traces of Azkaban, death and betrayal from his soft sated features was the ultimate urging that drove me to once again ravage the reddened flesh of his neck as I spilled my own thick fiery juices deep within Sirius welcoming body, thrusting softly in time with the pulsing spray of my soul shattering release.

Slipping gently from his warm embrace I curled by Sirius's side resting my head on the comforting expanse of his broad hard chest. My mate's arms holding me close as his fingers traced lightly up and down my arms and carded through my tangled hair.

Sirius took to heart my words of this being a day of mating, flatly refusing to allow my absence from our bridal bed for any reason other than use of the loo until midnight chimed on the mantel clock; everything else he insisted could be summoned or charmed, cleaning charms being the primary example. The twenty-four hours we spent together alternated between sleeping, talking, and finding the perfect ways to touch, tease, lick and nip all the special places that insured pleasure would be fully enjoyed.

Sometime after breakfast on the sixteenth, which was also enjoyed in bed as we were attempting to recover from the preceding twenty-four hours, I finally asked Sirius the question I had avoided from the time I first saw him standing at the stove dressed in leather and silk.

"How long can you stay Siri," I whispered into my bowl of fruit and cream, unable to meet the eyes of my new mate without tears filling my now glowing canine gaze.

"I can stay through tomorrow night's moon," he stated with feigned cheerfulness, trying to make the situation sound at least remotely tolerable. "You know we can't ask any more than that from Albus. It's one thing to employ a werewolf as the caretaker of your home, but allowing an escaped convict to share that home is an entirely different matter."

"I know that Padfoot," I assured him, turning genuinely smiling eyes to meet his own, "Albus has done far more for us than we can ever thank him for, far more than either of us will ever know."

Banishing the breakfast tray with a flick of his wand, Siri pulled me into his arms, settling my head against his chest as we curled under the freshly charmed covers, fingers and hands still searching for favorite spots as we relaxed into each others touch.

"So tell me Moony," Sirius asked in his best 'I'm being nonchalant' voice, "how did you convince the Headmaster of Hogwarts to turn the Great Hall into a magical clearing for two tired, lonely canines who've both been beaten one two many times with a rolled up copy of the Daily Prophet."

"When did you figure it out," I countered not daring to meet his gaze.

"Not until we left," he answered honestly, "I saw the stone we Marauders chiseled our initials in, way down at the bottom corner. It was a wonderful night Remus." he continued turning my face toward his with two gentle fingers, " I wanted so badly to tell you then that I was in love with you, but I just had to wait for Lupercalia, I'd spent so many of them with you and I wanted to know it for what it really was...I'm glad I waited."

"I am too. And Siri... the Great Hall was Dumbledore's idea." I admitted then asked my own Albus related question, "Are you the reason I got stuck lake diving on Valentines Day?"

"No, that was all Albus," my grinning mate laughed then finally continued, "Well I guess I did have something to do with a rather unappreciated walk you had to take," he grinned not even having the good manners to at least feign remorse over my state of discomfort.

"Remus?" Siri questioned some minutes later as I lay comfortably spooned against his warm chest and legs,

"Yes,"

"Will the wolf want to claim Padfoot tomorrow night," he asked, not allowing any room for guessing as to whether the idea pleased him or not.

"Yes, Paddy, he will," I confirmed trying to match his even tone. "but he will also offer himself to Padfoot." I finished hoping the extra reassurance of Moony's desires would ease any fears he may have for the upcoming moon.

But I soon realized my concerns were unfounded, when I felt the gentle nudge of my mates cock pressed against my still tender ring of muscle, as a soft suggestive voice advised that we should definitely practice a tad bit more just to make certain Padfoot had the hang of canine positioning. Agreeing whole heartedly with my mate's assessment of the situation I pressed my arse against him and pulled the covers over our head, determined to ignore the pesky gray owl that fluttered outside the window.

`````````

True to his word Sirius stayed for the moon and lingered far longer than he should have the following afternoon, not realizing until he tried to leave what profound affect the mating bond had on his ability to be away from me.

Refusing to enter the living room which once again contained a simple striped sofa instead of a comfortable bed, I turned and made my way upstairs intent on sleeping away the late afternoon, the evening and hopefully most of the following day; having no desire to face a lonely house and even lonelier bed.

When I snuggled into bed I was surprised to find a folded piece of parchment under my pillow. Spreading the note out atop the sheet, I allowed tears to fall freely as the heartrending words of love and bonding made their way from the page to deep within my soul.

Carefully I folded the paper and drifted off to sleep knowing the rising of the barely waning moon would call to Moony and wake me just after dark.

Rising after sunset as I knew I would, I packed a small case and sent a brief note to Albus advising him that he was welcome to contact me at the cottage during the day as normal, but should the need arise to find me after sunset, he would have to journey to a well protected cave that may just yet receive the benefit of indoor plumbing.

As I turned to leave the house, I envisioned the look of surprise that would light Siri's face when he realized he would not sleep alone. Then I felt once more to make certain I had my note tucked safely in my pocket. And while I walked the mile stretch to the edge of the wards my mate's simple words sang softly in my heart.

Less than an hour later I found myself bowing low to a regal Hippogriff before slipping within the small, dry, secluded space I had meticulously warded for my lover's safety only six weeks before.

Sirius was seated with his back to me as he warmed his hands over the dancing fire that burned at the far end of the cave. His small charmed bed -roll was spread beside him; and I could honestly say no Hogwarts feather bed had ever looked more inviting.

Immediately sensing my presence Siri spun quickly on the stone seat he occupied and crossed the cave in five long steps, his face aglow with surprise and love.

"Moony, what are you doing here...not that I don't want to see you...I do...more than anything, but you shouldn't have walked so far after the moon and damn Re you must have apperated..."

I stopped the flow of words with a soft lingering embrace of lips and tongues; effectively silencing my adorable babbling mate. Pulling from the kiss my teeth gently teased his lower lip before I finally answered his original question.

"I'm here because this is where I belong Paddy." I stated simply, pulling the folded parchment from my pocket as he lead me closer to the fire, "As I'm certain you know from your scavenger hunts through the house I've kept each note you've written to me since last July. At first it hurt to see the folded parchment instead of your handsome face,but now I cherish every word you wrote...every meal you prepared, even if it was merely tea and toast." I smiled seeing the confused look on my loves fire-lit face as we knelt on the cushioned bed of blankets. "They show our journey from past to present Siri, they tell of a love you've never allowed to fade, they tell of the risk you were willing to take each month to make certain I was safe. I love you Siri...more than anything, you're my mate...my heart...my soul and until you are able to be safely home with me, I shall spend my nights safely here with you..."

"Oh God, Re I want nothing more than to be with you, " Siri cut me off, skeptically surveying the cold hard ground that I was certain he occupied as Padfoot during sleep, "but after transformations your back hurts so badly..."

"Not nearly as badly as my heart hurts when I'm away from you" I interrupted pressing him against the floor as I settled myself on top of his warm welcoming body. "besides, this seems very comfortable" I assured him raising a suggestive eyebrow as I pulled the blanket over our soon to be naked forms.

"Damn Moony, if I'd known how far a bit of parchment and ink would get me I'd have started writing you moon notes years ago," he chuckled as my long teasing fingers found soft sensitive skin.

"Moon notes...eh?" I teased, still surprised by my mate's sappy romanticism's, "Well I'm not sure about that logic but now that you've started, I do hope you won't stop." I admitted, eyeing the note he'd left me this evening, which lay atop my discarded robes, the words of which still echoed in my mind.

"I won't stop Re I promise," My now fully sheathed lover gasped as I gently began lifting myself slowly up and down the full length of his fiery flesh, "as long as you have me you'll have moon notes."

"Then I guess I'll need a larger bed side drawer," I moaned softly, then bent to taste the sweet soft lips I already missed more than chocolate or tea. And suddenly all thoughts of ink and parchment slipped completely from my mind, as my mate's soft kiss inscribed his words of love directly on my soul.

FIN


End file.
